Sound of My Heart | B.C X Reader | ✔

•7. Of

~I've been thinking 'bout my life. Is it better if I die?~

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"So you said Jisung called you here?" Chan asked, and you nodded. Changbin and Jisung were currently curled up in chairs fast asleep. Chan saw it as an opportunity to talk to you, so after gathering up the courage, he finally did.

"Ironically he called me right after I thought about playing some of your new songs off of sound cloud," you chuckled, thinking back to that day. "He sounded so panicked, he could barely speak a sentence. When he calmed down and said something had happened to you, I just instantly knew I needed to be here. I remember the way he felt better after I said I'd come, and I told him I'd do anything for you."

"I'm glad you came," Chan said, a small smile overtaking his face, and you looked at him with a smile too.

"Me too."

Silence followed after, and your eyes trailed down from Chan's to his wrapped arms. Chan noticed and shifted his gaze as well before sighing. "Did the boys tell you all what happened?" He asked. You nodded slowly.

"God Y/n," Chan chuckled while throwing his head back. He stared at the ceiling and gulped heavily. "You probably think I'm dumb. To do all of this over a girl. A girl that never actually had a place in my heart at that."

Chans words made you glance at his face again. You were confused on what he really meant, but you stayed quiet as he continued.

"I thought I loved her. I really did. I would've married her, I gave her the world, she made me feel less lonely when the guys weren't around. Of course finding out she cheated and didn't care about me hurt me no matter what, but I barely knew the effect it truly had on me until the night hit. When the moon was at it's highest, and the streets were more quiet. When I sat in my room alone and lost in thought. That's when it hit me, and that's when it would hurt the most," Chan explained.

As he stared at the ceiling he felt a lot of emotions come back. Thinking about everything made him want to cry, and he couldn't help but sniffle a bit.

"Chan," you said softly, but the boy shook his head no.

"My chest ached every night, and I felt... suffocated. I felt worse pain as the days went on until I replaced it... with other pain. She really effected me so deeply. She woke up a side of me I never had before. I'm such an idiot looking back now. I really thought it was better to die, and I really attempted it." The room fell into silence again as Chan gulped and closed his eyes.

Watching him and hearing his words made your heart drop. You wished you could've been here sooner for him, you wished you could've done something... but what's done has been done. There was no return now.

You hesitantly reached out for Chans hand again, and held it tightly in yours.

"If it helps, I never thought Momo deserved you anyways. She was a bit... difficult to deal with at times. I don't think badly of you at all, I'm just beyond grateful that you're okay and alive. The thought of you being dead... is a thought I don't want to think about at all. Please don't beat yourself up over this. You're so smart and talented, so kind and respectful. You deserve the whole world," you said.

I deserve you, because to me you are my world.

Chan thought to himself, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. Instead he looked at you, and you tried your best to give him a smile.

"Thank you, Y/n. You being here means so much to me. I'm glad to know that I at least have you by my side still," Chan said.

"Of course you have me. You'll always have me," you responded lowly. Your heart felt like it was pounding in your chest, but it was for two very different reasons.

One because your heart ached in pain and sorrow for the boy in front of you.

Another because you knew that you still had feelings for that exact same boy in front of you.

Chan's heart would not stay calm, and he only hoped you hadn't paid attention to how his heart beat would increase around you. His thumb rubbed over your hand gently as both of you couldn't stop staring at the other. Chan smiled brightly, making his dimple pop up, and your heart fluttered.

"I love you Y/n. I couldn't ask for a better best friend than you," Chan said, and you smiled.

He meant that platonically.

I really mean that, but now isn't the time.

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A/n

If the cliche mess in this is sickening, I'm sorry. I would love to get into more details about every little thing so it seems less cliche, but I just don't. My apologies.

Stay Awesome!✌
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