Spaces Between Us- Hold All Our Secrets (ZARRY AU)

Press a button that will make me fall out of love with him(17)

Harry's POV

Betrayed, broken and fooled through.

And I didn't even hate him for it. I wish I could. Even if I told him that I hated him-that had been a lie. How could I ever? I just fell in love with him, how was I supposed to process now that I fell in love with a former criminal? How was I supposed to live with that the knowledge that I fell in love with someone who killed another human? Tell me HOW!

I should have realized that something about him was off! He barely talked about himself. And if he did he never talked about his past or his family. Why didn't I suspect anything?

It didn't matter anyway. We were done for good. You could ask me if I'd still would have dated him if I had known about his past. Maybe? Who knew... But at least he would have been honest from the start. Sure he mentioned he wasn't good for me! But sorry that I didn't see that sign. Usually I don't associate such a statement with murderers.

Gosh damn it! This was all too much. Too much pain to bare!

And then he even had the audacity to tell me he loved me. Telling me to not leave him. He probably faked it all. But I had to. I had to get away from him as soon as possible, not even being capable to look him in the eyes anymore, heck just to be in the same room. When just yesterday I longed for his touch, needed it. How can things change so quickly?

And now? Now I wanted to forget about the past weeks and pretend like I had never met him. Just wanting to erase this bad memory that would stay in my head and never leave. Even if that meant I'd forget about our good moments too. We had lot of good moments together, almost just them ones. But what did they matter now. They simply didn't. Died, just like the person he killed died.

Just thinking about Zayn killing someone made my entire body shiver.

I couldn't even believe I let that freak kiss me after everything. But just for a second I wanted to feel the warmness of his lips on mine, wanting to feel the butterflies in my stomach doing flips again, whenever we touched. He didn't deserve it though. He never did. Stealing something is one thing and maybe I'd have been able to cope with that but killing...Killing is another level.

There was nothing more to say now. Nothing to say. I just felt this big emptiness. So I just lied down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. There was no way I'd be able to sleep now if I wouldn't be so tired. All the crying and yelling had totally worn me out. I was feeling exhausted, drained and alone. This past month Zayn and I usually had fallen asleep together in one of our beds. He used to cuddle me, spoon me from behind, our bodies pressed together and our legs entangled. I would lean my head on his chest and he'd press light kisses on my neck, then place a short one on my lips. Afterwards he'd start playing with my hair, letting my curls glide through his fingers, then massaging my scalp until I fell asleep.

The next morning I'd wake up and he would still be holding me. I'd turn around to just appreciate his beauty and then annoy him by waking him up. I had loved falling asleep and waking up like this, with him next to me. With him by my side. I had felt safe in his arms. A feeling that I have never felt with anybody else.

Now that I thought about it, I had felt safe in a murderer's arms.

I just couldn't get rid of that word.

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