Eighteen ➳ Niam Horayne

"A Long Way From the Playground"

PROLOGUE...

NIALL AND LIAM ARE CURRENTLY 14-ISH

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"Niall? You came?" Liam innocently ushered as he peered into the treehouse they had created so many memories in together. Liam's heart sped up seeing the blond contently sat there with a smile spread across his face.

"Of course I did, Li, I couldn't throw our entire friendship away. I care too much about you." Niall smiled as he saw the older boy begin to become slightly more comfortable in Niall's company.

Liam sighed in relief smiling back at the other boy.

"I feel, like I owe you an apology, or... something?" Liam stuttered looking at Niall, as he continued to smile even though Liam felt like he had no reason to.

"I'm, really... really, sorry. I don't know what came over me I--I just couldn't hold back any longer. And when I told you my feelings towards you, I felt like, I didn't have to hold my breath anymore." Liam quickly spat out at Niall, knowing he wouldn't do it otherwise.

"You can't control your feelings, Li. Really, it was nothing. Just a thing of the past." Niall calmly reassured Liam, knowing of his past 'freakouts'.

"But... that's the thing. I don't want it to be a thing of the past. I'm always that person someone replaces after a while, and, I don't want it to be the same with you. Niall, I really, like you, I can't help it. I'm never going to get over you. I wanna' just stop feeling for a little while." Liam's lip began to quiver slightly as he felt a tear hiss as it rolled down his cheek.

"Liam, it's going to be fine." Niall crawled up to a shuddering Liam, resting his hand upon the older boy's knee.

"I'm here." Niall looked into Liam's brown, glassy eyes smiling, hoping to force a smile out of Liam as well.

Liam looked up from the wooden floorboards they had laid themselves, whilst building this house of memories. Liam forced a smile onto his face seeing Niall's light up the small room.

Niall's thumb began to run circles on Liam's sweaty legs, as he watched Liam stare at Niall's small, pale hands. Niall looked up, locking eyes with a distressed Liam, giving him the slightest smile.

Niall began to shuffle in towards Liam in hopes to comfort him, being able to see how broken Liam currently looked. Liam looked into Niall's eyes trying to see hope, he held the boy's hand trying to feel hope and lastly he kissed the boy's lips trying to taste hope. Much to his dismay, the only thing he tasted was disgust.

"What have I done?" Liam muttered to himself as he raked his fingers through his hair tugging so hard he couldn't even feel it anymore.

"Liam..." Niall began to speak, being cut off by a distressed Liam.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. This can't be happening. I can't do this." Liam continued speaking to himself smashing his forehead into his palm.

"Shhh, Liam." Niall calmly spoke even though on the inside he was freaking out almost as much as Liam.

"I haven't done anything. No, this can't be my fault. I can't have done anything. I'M NORMAL!! I PROMISE!" Liam dropped his head straight onto the ground, repeatedly smashing his head into the hard floor until he felt a warm, comforting hand that he knew all to well.

"Li, everything's going to be alright." Niall soothed to the other boy stroking Liam's smooth hair.

"No. No, NIALL! Don't tell me everything's going to be alright! I don't know what alright even is anymore! I haven't felt alright for so long. So long." Liam looked down at his sweating palms as he watched his own tears land in his lap.

"Liam." Niall placed his hand over the the other boy's.

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND! I'm not okay! I will never be okay, Niall!" Liam cringed at the sting of his tears upon his skin, singeing off the pain he felt.

"Maybe I'm just to fucking complicated for anyone to love. If you can't love me, how is anyone else even supposed to even look me in the eyes! Tell me! Please."

"Liam, I never said I didn't love you." Niall whimpered locking eyes with a broken Liam as he finally looked up.

"Well do you?" Liam sniffled looking at Niall's slumped figure. Niall couldn't find his ability to speak as he sobbed into the palms of his hands.

"DO YOU! ANSWER ME!"

"No. But..." Niall looked up being stopped by a sobbing Liam.

"I can't fucking believe this! I thought.... somehow... y--you could love me. How fucking pathetic." Liam seethed out towards Niall as he stood up from his huddled position.

"Just because I said I didn't love you doesn't mean..." The small Irish boy muttered.

"You still said no. Please tell me where I went wrong. What did I do?" Liam continued sniffling, looking down at Niall, who was still sitting in the ground. Liam began to step closer to the entrance of their treehouse, knowing it would most likely be the last time.

"Is it because I'm too ugly? Too fat? Not funny enough? Please, just tell me. I don't wanna' make the same mistakes again! I don't want to be me anymore." Liam sniffed in between words, feeling the tears roll down his face.

"You didn't do anything wrong." Niall whimpered out in between sobs.

"(*whispers) You're perfect to me."

"Stop lying! I don't need your pity! Even though I want it. So badly. And it scares me." Liam wiped his eyes pinching the bridge if his nose, still looking down at the boy on the ground.

"LET ME EXPLAIN LIAM!!!" Niall sobbed as he looked at the boy who was staring him down.

"NO NIALL! THERE'S NOTHING TO EXPLAIN! I understand, there's nothing to love about me. I shouldn't feel this way, I don't want to feel this way. This is wrong, so, so wrong." Liam dropped his head into his palms shaking as he began sobbing.

"All I want to do is be normal. Why can't I just have the one thing I desire most? I can't get you, so at least let me suffer normally." Liam pleaded looking upwards, away from Niall, the source of Liam's problems.

"Liam please just listen?" Niall so desperately pleaded as his lip trembled from the tears escaping his eyes.

"Goodbye, Niall. Niall? Before I go, can I please, just have one last kiss?" Liam pleaded getting down onto his knees so that he was the same level as Niall.

Niall sheepishly nodded, instantly feeling Liam's hands upon his face pulling their tender lips together. Liam pulled away tears staining his once beautiful face.

Niall regretfully watched as Liam bid Niall one last goodbye, heading down the ladder of their treehouse one last time.

Niall peered over the edge of the treehouse entrance, seeing Liam run through the forest without looking back. Not a single regret.

Niall crawled to the corner of the treehouse, hugging his knees to his chest,, speaking himself back to sanity.

"I wanted you to feel that way. I wanted you to hopelessly need me, to want me. Just because I didn't love you, doesn't mean I didn't want you. I wanted you to make me love you, so that today wouldn't be our last kiss. Without you I'm confused, I don't know what to do without you to guide me. My minds a mess, and my hearts a wreck, because all I wanted was you. And now your gone, this is my reality."

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CHAPTER SUMMARY-

LIAM SPOKE TO NIALL ABOUT HIS FEELINGS FOR HIM, HE BELIEVED NIALL DIDN'T LIKE HIM AT ALL AND LIAM LEFT OUT OF DISMAY.

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TAY XX