Social Inadequacy

Chapter 2

I chewed on my inner cheek as my mother lectured me on how important this year was: "Grace, you cant play this year." Do I ever? I replied in my head. I wished she said, "I am proud of you" or "do your best". No, my mother tells me that if I fail my life is over and she isn't going to support failure. I sighed for the hundredth time this morning. I was not mentally or physically prepared for today. I barely got any sleep and I am about to have a mental breakdown. A lump formed in my throat. I tried to dry swallow, but it wouldn't go down.

As I felt the car slow down, I knew it was time to leave the comfort of my holiday and jump into the stack of needles that is school time. I closed my eyes and took in some shallow breathes. My moms lecture was becoming white noise as I tried to centre myself. I felt a tug on my shoulder: "Grace its school, not a death sentence." No, its not a death sentence. Its hell. I looked at her. She looked empathetic. I know she knows how much I struggle. Though I also know she doesn't communicate affection. I have learnt to take what I can get, and an empathetic look is as good as it gets.

I gave her a tight-lipped smile as she gazed at me worriedly. She gave me a pitiful smile and a gentle quick kiss on the cheek and turned to face the wheel:" Enjoy your first day Gracie." I gathered my bag and small amount of courage as I exited the car. I hate this place. I get school is not something most children like, but I genuinely have a special type of hatred for school. I looked at the rear of my mothers car as it left me behind. The lump was still in my throat as I turned to Sacred Rose private school.

I lifted my drooping skirt and took a look at the vintage building. The cooper bricks contrasted to the white cement embedded between them. It was a large school. It was known for its various cultural activities and variety of sports. It was a school for the elite and rarely accommodated those of a lesser status. I was part of their charity cases. I was a scholarship kid. So, grades and my skin gave me access to what my mom calls "once in a lifetime opportunity" that will build a base for my bright future.

I shifted my heavy bag on my back and climbed the stairs into Sacred thorn in my side. I always made sure to keep my head down as I walked in the corridors. I would much rather not see people cringe as I walked by. I bet the only black people children in this institution see are the ones that clean their houses and groom their lawns. I walked to my locker. 345, my new locker number. We get one every year. I heaved the obese bag off my back with a loud grunt. Digging through its contents, I began to place books that arent required for the day in the small rectangular space.

I thought of my holiday. I really didn't do much. I wasnt traveling. I wasn't with family, except my mother and brother but they are default life settings. I binge watched series till I got headaches. I ate just because there was food I read. I read so many books. Some I started without completing the other. Taboo? Yes. Do I care? No.

My holiday was peaceful except the arguments here and there with my sibling and mother. Overall, I had a restful, lonely holiday. I didn't speak to any of my friends. My main purpose of my holiday was to for fill the role of coach potato and run from any form of communication. I can already hear Tamron complaining about my anti-social holiday:" Not even a hello text? Am I not important enough for that? Hello!?" I smiled at the thought. She is the one who tries to bring out my shell. I dont get how she thinks she can turn a donkey into a unicorn. No, shoving an ice cream cone on the top of its head doesn't count.

I did miss them, one human being in particular though.

As I shut my locker I was greeted by a curly haired silhouette: "Hello beautiful." I looked at my personal flirt and gave him a small smile. As I gazed at my best friend, I admired his forever maturing beauty. I missed him. Due to my MIA online tendencies I hadn't spoken to him in a while. Though I wouldn't have changed them if I had to go back in time. Holiday, it Is my time to be alone with my thoughts. Time, I need, alone. We hadn't spoken since the end of third term junior year.

"Hello handsome." I replied. No there is no attraction here. Although he is one beautiful human, I lack the genetic equipment he requires in a partner i.e. a penis. He was my first friend going into high school. We are both on a scholarship, though out of the two of us I was the one who actually needed it. I gazed up his face. His freckled, pointed nose sat above his small pink lips. His brown eyes slanted slightly at the sides giving him a nonchalant aura. My favourite part about him was his large mass of ginger curls that framed his face. I loved pulling a curl till it was straight and letting it bounce back into form. I just admired him for a while in silence. He didn't mind the staring. He knew it was something I did. He got me. I stopped my creep fest and hugged his solid figure. I always wondered what he felt when I hugged him. A flesh bag? A warm jumping castle?

"I missed you Gracie." I chuckled and mumbled in his chest: "I missed you too." I hated that he picked up the stereotypical nickname from my mother. I breathed in his smell. Call me a weirdo okay. I appreciate this man in front of me. Plus, I really missed my friend. We had gotten closer at the end of junior year. I was with him when he came out to his parents. I was literally at his side, holding his hand when his mother threw a glass jug at my head. Truly a traumatic experience though I would do it a thousand times over to take away the burden carried by my human. My Bou.

I broke our embrace and pinched his cheek releasing the seriousness in our immediate environment. He chuckled at my antics. I gave him a blank stare:" okay Gracie what is your first class" he breathed. From Bou's laughing I guessed my face involuntarily grimaced.