Shortcake - A Richpez Story

Chapter 8

Lauren's POV

'It's not your body that I love, but the shell you're inside of, and you're killing it, you're killing the only piece of you I can touch.'

My eyes snap open and I am instantly transported to Will's apartment. My body is paralyzed, until I realize my surroundings. And one other thing. Joey. Joey has his arms wrapped around me, but I'm not complaining. I can feel heat in my cheeks, despite the feeling of being a popsicle. That reminds me of the first day I started my journey back to LA. I remember getting out of bed, being so excited to come back to LA, not a clue what was in store for me. But, do I regret it? I mean, it got me here, but couldn't there have been some other way to get Joey's arms wrapped around me? Couldn't have there been another reason for me to grow such strong feelings for him? For me to realize just how great of a hugger he is, how affectionate, how loving and caring? I knew this already, and it's one of the many reasons I love him, but, never did I realize how much they affected me.

I uncontrollably shiver, waking Joey out of his probably peaceful sleep. Guilt floods through me as his eyes flutter open, but it's quickly replaced with something else when his eyes focus on me and a smile takes up his face, along with a slight blush. I, on the other hand, can feel my face getting hot when he looks into my eyes.

"Hey, are you cold?" He asks me softly.

"No, I'm fine," I lie, but my body gives me away as I violent shiver wracks my body.

"Liar," he chuckles, shaking his head ever so slightly.

He carefully pushes himself up with his arm and climbs over me, causing me to laugh.

"Hey, if you would've moved your ass maybe I wouldn't look like a doofus getting up!" Joey exclaimed.

"Well maybe-" I shoot back, but I shiver again, followed by my teeth chattering.

"Right, I'll get you that blanket," Joey chuckles, but there's a concerned look in his eye.

"Thank you," I murmur, as Joey hands me a blanket.

"No problem," he replies.

The room fills with a comfortable silence, until Joey decides to break it.

"You hungry?" He asks.

I shake my head. No, I'm too fat to eat food. Will made sure I knew it, too. He constantly told me how ugly I was, how I ate too much, how fat I was. One of the perks of being with him was realizing the things I needed to change about myself. I think that the things he said to me has always been in the back of my mind, though. I mean, doesn't everyone have those thoughts? Even the infamous goofy Lauren Lopez has bad thoughts sometimes, it's not just shit and giggles all the time.

"You barely ate what I made you yesterday, Lo, you have to eat," he persists.

I shake my head again, fighting tears and evil thoughts trying to push themselves to the front of my mind. What is with me crying so much? I hate it, I hate burdening others with my problems. I'm supposed to be the fun, goofy, uplifting person! I'm not supposed to be crying so much, I'm not supposed to be such a downer! I don't want to be sad anymore!

"Lauren!" Joey puts his hand on my shoulder, shaking me out of my thoughts. "Okay, we need to talk."

This scares me, and I can feel a pit forming in my stomach. My hands shake. What does he know?

"Roll up you sleeves," he commands.

"What? No, Joey, don't be weird," I reply, fear escaping into my voice.

"Lauren," his voice breaks.

This will make me cry, but I'm going to stay strong. I have to. I roll them up. All the cuts seem to pop on my pale skin. The cuts ranging from shallow ones, healing ones, deep ones, ones from yesterday. All of my secrets exposed.

Joey closes his eyes, taking deep breaths, and I can tell he's fighting back tears.

"Why would you do that to yourself?" He queries.

"I...I just wanted the pain to go away. I wanted to go away. I waned all the fear to stop, I wanted to be numb. I needed it. I needed it to ground me. It was like...a punishment, sometimes," I explain, my voice shrinking to a whisper.

"Lo, why...why would you punish yourself? What for, why like that?"

There's a ringing in my ears. My head feels fuzzy and light. "For...not...I don't know, being enough? For being ugly and fat and gross and insensitive and rude and a dissapointment. A lot, I guess."

He looks at me, astonished, eyes brimming with tears. "Lauren, you're not any of those things. You have to realize that. You mean something to everyone! Family, friends, fans, they'd they'd be insane not to love you! You are amazing and funny and smart and beautiful and one of the most honest people I've ever met!"

"Joey...I...thank you," I stutter. "But what the flippity flappity fuck...is this conversation?"

"Lauren, you need help. Especially if you think those things about yourself. I can say for certain that no one sees you that way, and-" He rambles.

"William did," I interject. "And it's not like I'm depressed, Joey, I can take care of myself. I have been for a long time now. I'm...I'm gonna be just fine."

"Really, Lauren, because you've said that before and look where we are now!" He exclaims.

"That was before Will came into my life again! He...he screwed everything up," I explain.

"Yeah, but you weren't doing well before that were you? Jaime said that you were cutting people off, distancing yourself from all your friends, even her," Joey argues.

"Can we just...not have this conversation now? Please?" I ask, voice deteriorating. I run a shaking hand through my hair.

"No we need-" Joey's cut off by Jon and Rob entering the room.

They quickly freeze at the sight of both of us with tears in our eyes, me shaking on the couch, and Joey with balled fist.

"Uh, we can just..." Jon trails off.

I shake my head. "No, no, stay. You should get ready for rehearsal. And I should go back to Jaime's and get ready."

Joey stops me as I try and stand up. "Oh no you don't, you're not getting out of this conversation. Plus, I'm pretty sure you're sick, and even if you weren't I still wouldn't let you go!"

"Joey," I groan, "I am not not a child, and not going to rehearsals would affect all of us! And as for our conversation there's nothing else to be said!"

Jon and Rob are backing out towards the door. I don't blame them.

"You're no help if you're gonna bleed out or pass out or not give your all in these rehearsals like you used to!" He shoots back.

I jump up, which is a bad idea. My head, which was starting to pound, goes from being fuzzy to blank. Darkness forms along the edge of my eyes, creeping closer, narrowing my vision. My knees feels weak and my legs shake, feeling like they're made of jello. In a matter of seconds, my body crumples to the floor, and I can hear very distant voices yelling. Part of me wants to stay awake, but instead I let the darkness overtake.

Sweet nothingness. Finally.

A/N: Ok, I lied. I'm totally gonna update. Screw homework. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, more updates soon! Maybe today....

Word count: 1294