It's Simply That I've Always Loved You

Chapter 1

The pill bottle sets beside the mug of tea in front of him. Kuchiki Byakuya stares down at it, his hands tented in front of his mouth as he considers his options. After Hisana's death, the heat suppressants had been a regular part of his life. Mourning kept his body from responding for months but when he realized his body would return to the cycle once more, he put a stop to such a thing through his own choice. Retrieving the suppressants meant speaking to a doctor, allowing his body to be examined in order to ensure he had the right suppressants. Though his medical check-up had been fine and he was given no physical reason to avoid taking his heat suppressants during this cycle, the words from the doctor circle through his mind just the same. Your body has suffered no permanent damage as a result of taking heat suppressants, and I know you have no desire to carry children of your own, but with no break in this medication you might not have the option to make a choice for yourself anymore.

Having a child has never interested Byakuya as much as it had others he knew, and so when he married Hisana, they had a conversation about how he never wanted a family. The concept hardly appealed to him, and Hisana never seemed against the idea of it being just the two of them, though after her passing Byakuya almost wished... But she was gone, and she was the last person Byakuya might have been able to care about the way he should have been able to.

Heat suppressants kept his body from ever entering a heat cycle, and therefore it kept Byakuya from ever having to think about having children or taking time out of his busy schedule in order to make time to curl up in his room and rest. When he had first spoken to a doctor about the possibility, there was no argument. Omegas fresh off of loss tended to want time to grieve and having your body actively wanting a partner nearby could make that difficult. Byakuya knew the risks then. Long term use of suppressants had to be moderated because the science was not exact and some omegas had suffered infertility as a result.

The thought unsettled him. Byakuya has no desire for a family and doubts his mind would ever change on such a subject, but having the choice taken out of his hands was not something he wanted. If he wants to make sure that would never happen, he would have to take a break on his heat suppressants— something that would ensure he would lose a week of his life to his body's biology. Before Hisana, he spent his heat cycles mostly on his own, able to take care of himself and his needs, but heat suppressants taken over years meant his cycle might be stronger, and it might last longer. A few days might last a week or more, twice as intense as he remembers.

Without a partner to see him through any of it.

"You getting ready to medicate for the cycle?" The voice catches Byakuya off-guard and he doesn't turn around fast enough before a familiar hand darts out in front of him, picking up the bottle off of the table. "This is a strong dosage for an omega, isn't it?"

"It's necessary, Yoruichi. It's been a long time." Byakuya makes a token effort to take the pill bottle back, but Yoruichi darts out of his reach before dropping down on the other side of the table, rattling the pills around with an interested expression.

She finally sets the bottle back on the table. "Well, don't let me interrupt. I was just curious about what prescription you had. Most omegas I know take them sometimes."

"I'm thinking about skipping suppressants this cycle actually." Byakuya sighs, tracing a finger around the edge of the mug he still hasn't touched. "It's been long enough and I don't think I want to lose the option to have children."

"Oh, the great ice prince Kuchiki Byakuya finally thinks about settling down and having children of his own." Yoruichi smirks at him, then steals a sip of his tea.

Byakuya's lips twist at the words. "No." he says firmly, "I don't want children. I'm just uncomfortable with not having the option available to me if I change my mind. Though I won't."