It's Simply That I've Always Loved You

Chapter 14

As it turns out, Renji is a pretty terrible alpha after all.

Byakuya falls asleep not long after Unohana’s visit and Renji lets him rest, fingers combing through his fine black hair while he peeks through the window curtain at the fluffy fat snowflakes floating through the air outside. The shock of the situation has passed, the reality slowly setting in. Byakuya is pregnant with his child, maybe children depending on how fertile he was during the week they were together. The promise of courting him as soon as his illness passed feels so needless in light of the fact that if he doesn’t go through with becoming Byakuya’s mate, their children are going to be born outside of the bond.

The thought does not sit well with him, but he knows Byakuya will have the final say in this.

Guilt gnaws at his gut. Byakuya trusted Renji to take care of him during his heat, to help him through a difficult period in his life, and Renji had done… This. He knows it isn’t just his fault, that he and Byakuya together had forgotten to visit Unohana after Byakuya’s heat was over, that the drama of Rukia’s return to the pack and all of the resulting information about Aizen made things difficult for all of them. Byakuya was stretched thin. Renji should have been there to pick up enough of the slack that he was able to make time for things like visiting Unohana.

He should be happy that Byakuya is considering keeping the pups. No matter what the pretty omega chooses, Renji will stand beside him and take care of him whether that be through the abortion or through the pregnancy. What matters to him is Byakuya and his happiness. None of that had been a lie. But in the most selfish and egotistical part of his heart, he can’t help but think of a little girl with Byakuya’s soft dark hair and his own brown eyes.

Sighing softly at himself for his stupidity, he tucks Byakuya in beneath the bedspread, kisses him on the forehead, and makes himself decent enough to walk through the house. He has his mind set on bringing Byakuya something to eat, something easy that will keep his stomach settled and dully he realizes he has no idea how much of a portion Byakuya should have with the pregnancy now. Does he need to start eating for two this early?

He knows so little. He was so unprepared for this. Not that he ever thought he had to be. Byakuya was surely going to stay childless for the rest of his life until this.

Or maybe not until this. He has to make the choice first.

Renji’s head feels fuzzy around the edges as he goes through the motions of making fresh white rice, his muscles sore and tired. Rut swings between being a fun time and a frustrating time depending on if he spends it alone or with someone, but now his body just feels exhausted from all of the information he’s taken in today, his concern for Byakuya drawing his muscles into tight coils of uncertainty and anxiety until he can feel it now, an hour after the visit has passed.

A bath would soothe that, but he doesn’t want to take the time to draw one right now.

The soft familiar scent of cherry blossoms alerts him to someone joining him in the kitchen and he turns to see Byakuya standing in the doorway, leaning heavily against it. “Hello.”

“You should probably be back in bed.” But Renji holds out his arms just the same and Byakuya steps into them, his own curling around Renji’s neck, pressing his body flush against Renji’s own. A really bad idea given the state of his hormones right now. “Sorry. I’m not gonna throw you on the table or anything. It’s just been a really confusing day, huh?”

Byakuya chuckles softly against the side of his neck and Renji breathes a sigh of relief at the sound. Hearing Byakuya so near tears gutted him. “It has been. I’m not going to hold it against you. I was much worse during my heat than you are now.”