Louis-
Liam got home late again, finding me lay on our couch, looking gloomy and moody again. For the third day in a row. He obviously didn't like how I was just lazing about like this, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't even explain what was wrong, but I couldn't force myself to get up.
'Are you sleeping on the couch again or actually getting up to come with us?'
'I-I'm sorry, I'll get up,' I finally forced myself up, wrapping my fluffy dressing gown/ bathrobe around my body. 'Just thought it'd be easier to talk to me if I was downstairs,'
Liam sighed, walking upstairs in a mood. Obviously, I followed, and without hesitation got into bed as we got there. It just seemed so heavenly right now. I just wanted to curl up and sleep forever.
'Is Zayn asleep?' I nod, suddenly feeling so alone. I could feel myself tearing up. 'Must be talking to myself right?'
'He's asleep,' I whisper, thankful for my voice not cracking.
The next morning, Liam was sat scrolling on his phone. What day was it again?
He seemed invested in what he was doing, so I pretended to still be asleep so I could stay in bed.
'I know you're awake Lou,' he whispered 'But since you're too comfy to come down with us you can stay here and I'll get someone to bring you breakfast,' I could hear disappointment laced in his voice and felt myself tear up again. God, what was wrong with me?
I don't know how long it was when Zayn came into our room with a bowl of cereal, but it felt like years. He sat next to me and played with my hair until I eventually sat up. One look at the cereal made my stomach flip, I had no appetite, but I knew everyone would be concerned if I didn't eat it.
'Lou are you alright? You've been quiet and isolating yourself,' I have?
'I'm fine, just not feeling well,'
'I came to keep you a bit of company, and to update you a bit,'
I tried to listen as he spoke, but I often found myself zoning in and out at random points.
'Lou? Are you listening?'
'Huh? Oh. Yeah. I'm just tired, sorry,'
'Lou, is this something I should talk to Liam about? You've been tired a lot and all you've done is sleep,' I only shook my head, not sure if I could hold back any tears if I spoke 'Are you sure?' I couldn't answer before I had to look away as tears started rolling down my cheek. What was I even upset at? 'I'm gonna go get Liam,'
After a while, Liam got upstairs, but I didn't care, I just wanted to sleep.
'Lou? Sit up a minute,' I shook my head, I couldn't do it. I just want to sleep. 'Why not? Only for a minute Lou just wanna know why you were crying,'
'I'm fine Li, I'm just tired,'
'Are you taking your medication properly?' No
'Yeah,'
'Don't lie to me Lou, let me see your wrists,'
'I'm fine. I'm just tired. I want to sleep,' he grabbed my arm and rolled my sleeve up, sighing in relief as neither arms showed marks.
'When was the last time you took your medication?'
'3 or 4 days ago,' I whispered
'Lou, you know that it helps, why haven't you taken it?' I only shrugged, tearing up yet again 'That's why you were on the couch for three nights, god Lou you need to tell me these things,'
'Sorry,'
Liam gently wipes my eyes and checks my cereal bowl.
'If I let you sleep for a while, I need you to eat something later okay?' I simply nod, curling into myself 'I need you to take your medication tomorrow, you're so sad without it. You can't even eat when you don't take your meds,'
'I'm sorry,'
Liam just pulls the blanket over me and quietly plays with my hair whilst I silently felt like crap. I knew I looked a mess, tear stains probably all over, clothes I'd worn for 4 days, my hair was probably greasy. Why did the boys even stay with me at this point?
'I love you, Lou,'
