sixteen
in the middle of wyoming
many miles outside of town.
chilly weather, vast fields of our cattle,
the dogs, cats, horses, chickens,
mom dad and me.
homeschooled, no friends,
never experienced young love
sometimes
i find myself wanting to though.
god
i've never known god.
religious family and hometown but
i've never felt him.
i pray sometimes and
sometimes i'll almost feel like it's working
or something is happening but
i'm never quite sure.
i want to feel it.
matilda
my sweet horse
big black and white paint
long mane shiny black tail
pretty face, only 6, good temper
we ride in the woods for hours together
just me and her.
when it's especially quiet i listen and listen
trying to hear god's voice like so many others
claim to have heard.
but to no prevail.
i want to learn to pole bend with her.
nervous
matilda and i are going away to stay at my grandparents' cattle ranch next week to help out and learn.
i've only met them once when i was much younger.
we'll be gone for a month.
i'm nervous to go because i won't know
anyone there
and i've never spent this long of a time
away from my parents
i hope i'm making the right choice.
bass
watching the horses drink from the pond on the other side
feel the tug of the line,
i reel him in slowly, letting him resist,
got him.
i press my thumb to the inside of his lip
see his slimy wet green body shimmer in the rising sun
release the hook from his skin and gently let him back in the water
watch him swim away free.
breakfast
i feed my horses their food from buckets on the ground, not hung up like
all other people do
this is because bending down to eat their food is a much more natural way of eating
and so it prevents colic
i wonder how many other people i'll meet
are this cautious
braids
i braid matilda's long mane at least
once every day
it started so when i rode her in the summer,
her neck wouldn't sweat so much under the thickness of her mane
but even through the fall and winter and spring and now summer again, i braided it
i don't really know why, maybe it's just habit
i've never cared more about anything
more in my life
than this horse
momma
are you nervous?
(her psychologist voice is kicking in)
i can't help but smile.
yeah, but i'm also excited
she nods and hugs me to her chest
she smells like unbaked bread and safety
what will i do when i don't have her anymore?
dad
what will i do without you if the horses get out?
he jokes, and i shake my head
i guess just hope they don't get out while i'm gone
i laugh, and he ruffles my hair.
i've never felt more like
a little kid
innocent, invincible, infinite
when he ruffles my hair.
mirror
i stare at myself in the mirror a moment
push back the blonde then
pull it back again
pay attention to how i look for
the first time in months.
will there be boys there? like a ranch hand?
i think to myself
and then pinch myself, that's not why i'm going
i'm going to learn to pole bend work a ranch and raise cattle and
become more independent
but what if i fall, that can't be my fault,
for the cowboy of my dreams?
YOU ARE READING
Where the Thistle Grows Wild
Romancein this collection of poems, 16 year old Eden stays for a month at her grandparents' cattle ranch in Tennessee, far away from her hometown in Wyoming. She learns how to work and help at a cattle ranch, and much more, and also gets to know her family...
