Internet diary of a depressed kid.

Interduction/me

🚫⛔️TRIGGER WARNING⛔️🚫⛔️
READ AT YOUR OWN RESPONCIBILITY!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!⛔️🚫

Hi, i'm Julia and i'm 12 (me in photo) and I live in Finland. I have 2 older sisters. I'm in 7th grade (US) or year 8 (UK). I suffer from ednos, depression, self harm, paranoia, anxiety and i'm suicidal. I go to a private school and the older people in my school bully me. People think I have a perfect life but I don't, my parents are divorced because my dad cheated on my mom after taking us to the other side of the world because of his job. He cheated on my mom with a woman that is only 6 or 7 years older than my oldest sister. My parents got married after I was born but I've grown up in a broken home with my dad most of the time at work or on buisness trips and when he was home my parents fought and my mom was scared of my dad. My dad has abused me and my sisters even my mom and he is a slight alcoholic. He still lives in China where I lived for 4 years but now that I live in Finland and my parents are divorced my mom tries to provide for me with her small salary when my dad pays my allowance and school. Even though I hate my dad I hate the fact that he always tells me that anything I do is not good enough or that i'm a dissapointment and should be more like my sisters for example I got a 8.8 (we have from 0-10) averige on my report card last year he just told me that "well it's okay but you really need much much better if you're ever going to succeed in life" and a lot of much worse things.
My mom and sisters are my everything and I havent even attempted suicide yet because just as I was building the courage 2 months ago I found out that the younger one of my older sisters is suicidal and i'm pretty sure if I commit or try to commit suicide she would kill her self.
I have 2 secret instagram accounts ig.numb_since_five and numb_with_ana . I will be writing about my days here almost everyday.