Connected

Chapter 11: Live!

"The sun's brightness blinded me.

I needed a cloud to draw sense,

To the truth of my pain,

To regain my footing."

"I joined a church." Joyce spoke to break the tensed atmosphere.

It happened during one of those excruciating, awkward mother weekends I had to strictly comply with ever since my parents' divorce. When I heard of this, an overpowering sense of irritation reverberated in me because why now should she join a holiness group.

With a roll of my eyes, I pointed out, "You're a divorcee." The hurt that passed over her face was undeniable, and I was unapologetic for it.

If she was stung by my comment, she didn't let it through. Instead, she only said, "I guess it's why they all the more accepted me."

I inwardly seethed when I heard her response. It caused me to be all the more ignited to ridicule her further. "So is guilt already overflowing in your cup that you needed to empty it out in the church?"

I knew I was being mean, and I couldn't help it. After what she had done to our family, now she turns to religion to relieve herself from the guilt of causing us pain. No! I wouldn't have none of it.

"Maybe," sighed Joyce ignoring my derision.

She met my eyes from across the table and out of nowhere she confessed, "Being in church calms me." Her eyes then alighted with an unexplainable joy that I was seeing for the first time it pierced my heart.

Then suddenly it was like I was made aware of something different around her. I could sense a presence of peace emanating from her. Its glow making me recall the good old days when my mom was her old self when tears stung my eyes because Frank's defeated face suddenly crossed my mind, and it hardened my heart.

Clearing my throat I asked, "From what?"

"Things," Joyce tersely replied turning her attention back to her food.

After hearing Jacob talk about God, Leah couldn't help but question herself. Can she really believe in God? Can she really trust the history of the cross which happened over two thousand years ago to be still relevant to her situation right now?

She wasn't a hundred percent sure. A small voice though had managed to sneak behind her head telling her that maybe she would find what Joyce had found in Him. The thing that made her feel guilty in hating her mom in the first place, peace.

Then Leah began recalling another memory, one that she had accidentally eavesdropped on.

"She can't see me like this Frank." She heard Joyce say through her tears.

"Leah is a lot stronger than you give her credit for. She will understand." Frank consoled Joyce trying to ease her worry.

"I know. But it's me. I've worked hard enough in the past to overcome, to make sure that this won't ever happen again. My pride wouldn't allow it for her to look at me like this."

"But she is your daughter she has the right to know." Frank insisted.

"No. Please Frank, it will kill me." Pleaded Joyce.

Joyce wasn't always a recluse. Leah remembered her as always having the brightest smile in the room, bright as the summer sun, when she was a child. Her laughter was vivacious, it was like music. She always had this overflowing energy of love and Leah was the center of it all she was spoiled with it.