Losing A Friend

LETTER 5

He felt sick to his stomach. How could she let that bastard treat her like that?

This wasn't the snarky and prideful girl he knew. Yes, she was kind, naive, compassionate, but she wasn't one who would let herself be treated like that. She always said if she was in a situation like this one she would leave him immediately because she would never tolerate that behavior.

Yet, she let him take advantage of her.

Why would she let some guy treat her like that?

Did she really love him that much?

Was she really that blind to his actions?

He couldn't imagine what else she had gone through, but he wanted to know more. He picked up the 5th letter.

Beloved,

I didn't see it as rape. I loved him so much and wanted to prove my love to him in that moment.

These affectionate moments became more frequent. The one I felt the most dread was one occasion that happened at a Halloween party.

He had his way with me behind a dumpster, what was worse was the fact that I yelled out to these two guys who were close to us and asked them for help but they looked away and eventually left me. I felt disgusted and ashamed.

Once he was done he told me to clean myself and to meet him back at the party.

I sat next to the dumpster for almost an hour. Before getting up and walking to the closest bathroom, washing my face and wiping myself clean.

When we got home he slapped me, and shoved me into the bathroom, told me I was disgusting and that I shouldn't have called out for help, that what he did wasn't wrong. That I was his woman and he could have me when he wanted. He made me shower and told me to stop being such a dirty girl.

I didn't know how to feel. How to act.

I remember showering for a long time, scrubbing my skin so much that it throbbed. I wanted the hot water to burn all of my skin off.

Afterwards, I laid in bed. He came up behind me and hugged me and whispered in my ear that he loved me, and he was sorry. He told me what he did was wrong, and that it wouldn't be like that ever again. He hugged me while crying, and I fell for it. Those tears were nothing but lies and empty words.

The next morning I remember waking up with a bruises on my thighs, face, and wrists from the incident the night before. He kissed all of my bruises, and promised to never do it again.

I don't know what was going on in my head at that time.

I told him it was okay.

I told him to not worry, and that he shouldn't do it again. He nodded and told me to get ready, and took me out for brunch.

The rest of the day he spoiled me. He told me he loved me, that I was his world, his air, his sun, his rain. I was the woman he had always wished to have in his life. He told me so many things that my fear of him became love and trust.

Why did I believe him? Why did I fall for those crocodile tears? Why was I like this?

With much love.