Anger Management (A Hunter Hayes Fanfiction)

Chapter Thirteen: Memories

A/N:
OH MY GOSH YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I READ THE OTHER DAY!! Ok so I was reading a story, and the girl was talking about Dan and Shay and The Railers. Now, just a disclaimer, I am a Dasher. I'm also Railed. Ok, so she was like, "then the railers, who aren't quite as good s Dan and Shay." AND I WAS LIKE WAIT A MINUTE HONEY I MEAN I LOVE DAN AND SHAY BUT MUSICALLY THE RAILERS ARE QUITE A LOT MORE TALENTED!!! Anyway, it was just so funny cause I love Dan and Shay a whole lot, but let's be honest, if you've seen the Railers live (which I have) you know that they're better than Dan and Shay. I've seen Dan and Shay live too, so I can do the comparison.
Both are very talented though, ok? Nobody take this as me putting down Dan and Shay, cause I'm not. I love them.

Stadiumlicious,

Tessa❤️🎶

Liz's POV:
I sigh as I pull the blankets over myself, wishing Hunter would just come to bed. He's writing with the guys currently, and I have to tell him something. But he insists that this song is 'very important.' I totally understand his need to finish it, and it doesn't really bother me. Well, it wouldn't if I didn't need to tell him something. But I do. I don't know how I managed to keep it from him all day.

Hunters POV:
I walk into our room at the beach house at three-thirty in the morning. I take my shirt off and change into flannel pajama pants, not bothering to put another shirt on. I look at Liz, who is laying on the bed hugging my pillow. And looking adorable. Her leg is sticking out from under the blankets, and her sock is halfway off her foot. Her soft breaths can barely be heard. Her hair is a total mess, spreading over her pillow and over her face. I climb onto the bed behind her and gently tug my pillow out of her arms, placing it under my head. I press myself against her back, pulling her into me with one arm around her waist. I let my arm drape over her as I fall asleep.

_~_~_~_~_~_

"I'm so impossibly in love with you," I hear someone whispering.

I open my eyes, surprised to find that it's dark. I can just barely see the outline of Liz's face.

"Aww crap I woke you up I'm sorry," she apologizes quickly, flipping so that she's on her side facing away from me.

I blink myself awake and place my arms on either side of her, along with my legs.

I'm hovering over her as I whisper, "you don't need to apologize Lizzie."
She huffs and moves onto her stomach.
"I'll squish you if you don't take your apology back," I threaten.
She looks at me out of the corner of her eye, trying to hide her smile.
"Well, you asked for it," I say, lowering myself into her.
She lets out a breath as I let my full weight rest on her. I'm at a perfect angle to kiss her neck, so I do.
"Take your apology back," I whisper.
"Ok, I take it back!" She says.
"Good!" I say, kissing her neck again.
She moans slightly and buries her face in the pillow. I move further up her body so I have a better angle to kiss her.
"Hunter!" She groans, her voice muffled by the pillow.
"Yes?" I reply innocently as I go in for another kiss.
She turns her head.
"Please stop," she begs.
I move so that I'm facing her.
"Why?" I ask, brushing a strand of hair from her face.
She looks into my eyes.
"I don't know," she says, her eyes flitting down as her hand comes up to play with my necklace.
I wrap my hand around hers, stilling her fingers.
"You do know," I counter gently.
"I had a panic attack today," she whispers, so softly that I almost don't catch the words.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask, trying to keep my voice from shaking.
"I didn't want you to worry about me," she says, sounding quite pathetic.
"Well it's kind of a moot point Lizzie. I worry about you no matter what," I say, putting my hand on her cheek.
"I know," she whimpers.
I move closer to her and she slides her foot in between mine, tangling our legs together.
"Was it because of what we did the other night?" I ask slowly.
She shakes her head.
"No. I uh.... No. The trigger was umm... When you came into the bathroom earlier, and I was in the shower," she whispers, not meeting my eyes.
"I'm sorry Liz! Why didn't you tell me?" I ask.
"I held it back until you went out," she replies.
Her eyes are filling with tears.
"Baby... Liz you can't do that baby. You can't keep that from me," I say, hoping her tears don't spill over, but knowing that they will.
"I'm sorry," she whispers.
She squeezes her eyes closed as the tears spill. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close. My hand is shaking as I stroke her hair, trying to calm her down.
"You're ok Lizzie. You're gonna be just fine," I promise her.
"You don't have a shirt on," she says, still crying.
"Yeah," I reply.
"There's nothing to soak up my tears," she says.
I push her away slightly, so that I can see her face. I kiss her cheeks a few times.
"I got it," I assure her, licking the salty liquid off of my lips.
She buries her face in my chest again, not crying very hard now. I can feel her tears on my skin, but I don't mind. I rub my hand up and down her back, needing her to stop crying. I hate it when she cries. She hasn't in so long, and I was hoping to keep it that way. She looks at me finally, her eyes red and bloodshot.
"I'm supposed to tell you when I remember something," she says.
"Only if you're ok with it," I remind her.
"He used to come in all the time, while I was in the shower. Sometimes he'd watch. Sometimes he'd... Come in. But no matter what he did, he was always telling me how worthless I was and how I had no purpose in life and how I was fat and ugly. And he'd talk about how ugly stretch marks are and how he couldn't believe he was ever attracted to me. And... And a lot of times he'd notice if I had finished, but wasn't getting out. So he'd make me get out and then he'd make me do... Stuff. And I just couldn't help remembering earlier. It wasn't as hard to keep the memories at bay the other night when we were... But it was just too hard earlier," she finishes speaking, and I'm just shaking my head and wondering why.
Why would I do that?
Why did I think those things about her?
Why did I say that to her?
"I'm sorry Liz," I say.
"It's ok," she says, smiling weakly.
"Can I kiss you?" I ask.
She shakes her head, biting her lip.
"I'm sorry," she whispers.
"Don't apologize my darling. It's alright," I assure her.
She nestles herself into my chest and drifts off to sleep after a while.
I'm kept awake by the image of her alone, on the shower floor, shaking and crying.
_~_~_~_~_~_~_
"You look tired Hunter," Liz says as we eat breakfast.
"I am," I say honestly.
"I'm sorry. I kept you up last night didn't I?" She apologizes.
"It's alright Liz," I sigh.
I'll have to take a nap if I'm gonna be able to perform tonight. I was up until light started creeping through the curtains.
"I shouldn't have told you," she says regretfully as she grabs the jug of orange juice from the fridge.
"No, I'm glad you did," I say, shaking my head.
"But you were up all night thinking about it Hunter. I know you were. I feel so bad, cause now you're gonna be tired all day, and you have a radio interview later," she says worriedly, sitting down next to me.
"I'll be ok. I'll take a nap later," I say.
She just sighs and takes a frustrated bite of pancake. I kiss her cheek and then take my plate into the kitchen, putting it into the dishwasher. I go to the living room and watch tv with the guys while Liz finishes her breakfast. The last thing I remember is my head lolling onto Matt's shoulder.
Lizs POV:
I walk into the living room and find that Hunter is asleep with his head on Matt's shoulder. Matt looks horribly awkward.
"He's really tired," I tell them.
"We can tell," Andy says.
I sigh and sit down, pulling him so that his head is in my lap. He stays asleep. He's quite a heavy sleeper, which is good cause he needs to sleep for a while. I make Andy get me a blanket, and I have Matt spread it over Hunter for me. He's such a cutie. After a while he turns into his side and nestles his face into my lower stomach. I can feel his breaths warming me through my shirt and I smile. He's so adorable. I end up sitting there with his head in my lap for three hours, before I put a pillow under his head and hang out with the guys on the porch.
"So what was it like, getting Hunter back to normal?" Sam asks.
I look at him, my heart speeding up slightly.
"From the crash?" I ask.
He nods.
"Well it was interesting.... I uh... God I'm sorry I can't talk about it without lying to you guys and I don't want to do that," I say, standing up and going back inside.
Steve follows me and grabs my arm before I can escape down the hall to me and Hunters room.
"Liz... What's going on?" He asks worriedly.
I shake my head in answer.
"Please just tell us. Tell me. It's obvious that it's upsetting to you," he says gently.
"It's fine. It's all fine now; it really is. You guys don't need to worry. I'm ok," I insist.
"If it was fine you'd tell us," he points out.
"It's not that I'm not ok. It's just that you will see Hunter as a totally different person and I don't want that," I say, struggling to keep my emotions in.
"Just tell us Liz. It's obvious that you want to get it out," he says gently.
"But I don't. I.... Me and Hunter are fine. I'm fine. He's fine. We're all fine. It doesn't matter," I say weakly as tears well in my eyes.
"Come on Liz," he says, tugging my arm gently.
I close my eyes and follow him back to the porch.
Hunters POV:
I wake up on the couch to the sound of an argument going on out on the porch. I walk out there and see Liz arguing with the guys.
"You can't! You cannot do that! He doesn't remember any of it!" She's saying.
The guys look at me, and Liz turns around.
"Oh. Hi Hunter," she says, blushing.
"Hey..." I say unsurely.
I know what they were talking about. Me.
"I..." She sighs, refusing to meet my eyes, "I'm sorry."
She walks past me and onto the house, leaving me with the guys.
"You abused her?" Matt says blankly.
"Yeah. I mean... I mean I don't remember it but I sure as hell know how hurt she was," I say.
"Why?" Sam asks.
"I don't know Sam. The last thing I remember from before the crash, is playing Wanted at the CMAs. I don't remember hurting her, or why I did. And I'm glad. Because I would've killed myself by now if I knew the extent of what I did to her," I say honestly, struggling to keep from crying.
They just walk past me, into the house. I stand there alone for a long time, wondering why she'd do that. I'm getting mad now, so I just go down to the beach and take a walk. I don't want to talk to her while. I'm angry. I don't want to hurt her more than I already have. The guys know. They know how much I hurt her. They know that I was a disgusting human being. I sigh and sit down in the damp sand, wishing I could go back into those times that I don't remember, and change it. I'd change everything I did to her; everything I said. I'd go back in time and I'd fix her pain. I'd refuse to hit her. I wouldn't say a word to her that wast positive or uplifting. I would love her as much as I do now, and more. I close my eyes, knowing that I can't do that. I can't go back. I can't change anything.
I am, in essence, a failure.
Lizs POV:
I find Hunter sitting on the beach. The tide is rising, and there's water all around him.
"Hey Hunt?" I say quietly.
He looks up at me.
"Yeah?"
"I think you're getting wet," I point out.
He looks down at the water.
"Oh," is all he says.
I grab his arm and pull him up, despite his grumbling. I take his hand and pull him along with me, until we reach the house. He's grumbling and protesting all the way to our room, where I lock the door and finally let go of his hand.
"Sit," I command him, pointing to the love seat.
He sits down immediately looking slightly scared.
"I know you're confused, and I know you're mad, and I know you didn't want the guys to find out. But Hunter, don't you think they deserve to know? They're your best friends! And once the shock wears off, and they realize that you're not hurting me anymore, everything will be fine. But I am sorry that I didn't ask you before telling them. I should've made sure you were ok with it first," I say, looking down at him nervously.
"It's ok Liz," he finally says.
I close my eyes with relief.
"Oh good. I was afraid you'd be mad," I say.
"Sit down," he says.
I start to sit next to him, but he pulls me so that I'm on his lap. I squeal a bit in surprise.
"Elizabeth, could you please tell me if I can kiss you or not?" He says softly.
I move so that I can face him, straddling his lap.
"Well you see Hunter, you have to leave in twenty minutes. So yes, you can kiss me. But until we have a bit more time, that is all you can do," I reply.
His eyes are sparkling as he pulls me in for a kiss. I close my eyes, focusing on the feeling of his lips on mine. His hand is framing my face, warming my cheek. We come apart and I lean forward, leaning on him. His arms go around me and I sigh happily.
"You know what I think Lizzie?" Hunter says softly.
"What?"
"I think you're amazing. And sexy," he says.
I smile slightly and close my eyes.
"I can't believe I actually asked you to call me that. You know you can call me whatever you want, right?" I say.
I pull away from him so that I can see his face.
A smirk graces his lips as he says, "what if I wanna talk dirty to you?"
I laugh as he tries to imitate the music from the song Talk Dirty.
"You can talk dirty to me anytime you want," I tell him, smiling as his hands rest on my hips.
"Oh good!" He says.
I smile as we kiss again.
Hunters POV:
I try to calm myself down as I walk quickly out of the dark house and
into the chilly air of the outdoors. I can hear the waves crashing on the shore, and the sound should be calming. It's not. Nothing can calm me down right now.
Because I remember.