I'll Sing You One Last Song and then I'm Gone (Tokio Hotel Fan-Fic)

Chapter 26

This story is written by @xAnDeinerSeitex She wrote this story on a website called TokioHotelFiction.com. I was able to locate her and found out she had a wattpad account. She has given me permission to post it on here. @xAnDienerSeitex aslo has a new updated version of the story, as seeing this one is a few years old. If you like to read that one click the external link on the side. And I would like to say I have no rights to this story and I am NOT the writer. I would also like to thank @xAnDeinerSeitex for writing this great story and letting me post it on my account.

When the sensation of Joey's arm around the dip in my torso vanished, I knew I had crossed over. Though, I burst into the dreams within my own mind with my eyes shut, and decided that I was going to keep them as such, as there was nothing for me to open them to. There hadn't been for a while, and I was beginning to give up hope.

I knew, just by the gentle caress of the warm early-summer breeze rubbing against the curves of my nude body, that I was in my meadow, in the same spot my dreams always decided to plunk me down in, just to toss me down memory lane. It was as though, since my real life had become a lot more tolerable, the universe couldn't let me be happy in both realms of my existence, and had to balance my real-world glee and comfort with once-pleasant dreams that had now become the set of a menagerie of taunting nightmares.

As I had taken up the tendency to do, I began to talk to myself, allowing the thoughts concealed in the confines of my mind to be released to the open air. There was something comforting about talking to myself while I was dreaming, I found. When Bill was still here, all we did was talk, from the moment we met up to the moment one of us had to awaken, and the ghosts of those feelings I got while we were together consumed me just a bit when I pretended he was still there with me, listening to every word I say. Sometimes I even imagine his responses, how he would react to what I was saying. Alone, I spilled my innermost feelings to, essentially, myself, searching for the tiniest bits of comfort found in the verbalization, though I knew nobody was really listening.

That night, I didn't know what I felt. How are you supposed to feel after you've done something like I did? Obviously, I had no experience at all in that field, so this was all entirely new to me. Are you supposed to be really happy? Because, if that's the case, then there's something wrong with me, because, though I was engulfed in the arms of someone who really did love me, I didn't feel quite right. Familiar with it, due to my pathetic lack of stability, I recognized the feeling that filled me as I lay there and dreamed as the one you get when it first dawn on you that you made a really bad decision. Captured in my thoughts was an omnipresent feeling of dread, the weighted feeling you get the moment you make that discovery. Your stomach sinks, your heartbeat quickens, your eyes dilate, and you're hit with an overwhelming wave of dizziness and nausea.

I had that. Only, mine wasn't a fleeting sensation, shortly followed by the heightened breathing of worry, the tears of remorse. Mine just stayed paused in that awful first instant, and suddenly, I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Who knew something so utterly simplistic could have such a lasting horrible feeling? I should have figured. My life is one big horrible feeling.

As they always did to me when I began to think aloud, the trees, with the rustling of their leafs, mimicked the sweet sound of Bill chuckling, just to press on with the anguish, as though I wasn't already crippled with enough on my mind. The sound haunted me; I carried it in my head and heart wherever I was. There was something so simplistically beautiful as his laughter, though I couldn't place why the phenomenon made my heart flutter. Maybe it was the way the mirth always reached up into his eyes and made them twinkle. Maybe it was the feeling of complete serenity it draped around me, warming me to the core with the comfort I lacked.