bad religion // m. gray gubler

the only empty seat in the room

*august 1, 2017*

it's one thing to show up to an event alone. it's another thing to attend an event and request a plus one, and suddenly no longer have a plus one, leaving you sitting next to the only empty seat in the room. the embarrassment was coursing through my body as everyone gave me looks of pity when they walked past. i stared at the empty chair and the place card with matthew's name on it sitting on the plate, screaming at me as the pain in my chest tightened. i was currently at the satellite awards with some of the crew from the michael tour, we had been nominated for best documentary film and apparently i had struck a chord with the audience, therefore the director and producer had chosen me to accompany them to the satellite awards, should the film win. so here i was, in a beautiful dress with beautiful makeup and beautiful hair and beautiful shoes, feeling not so beautiful.

"so, is there a reason the most beautiful girl in this entire venue is sitting next to the only empty seat in the room?"

i look up and a smile breaks onto my face.

"hey, you're-"

"that guy you drug up on stage to deeply embarrass?" he chuckles, pulling out the chair and taking a seat.

"yeah...i'm sorry. i didn't mean to embarrass you. it's part of the show." i shrug my shoulders.

"that's alright. i danced with a beautiful girl for about a minute. so i guess it was worth it." he smiles, taking a sip of his drink.

"you know...i know you from somewhere. i just can't pinpoint it for some reason." i say, squinting my eyes and leaning in closer towards his face.

he quirks an eyebrow and leans further in.

"should i get closer?" he asks, a smirk on his face.

a blush covers my cheek and i back away slightly.

"i'm sorry, i didn't mean to get so close. i'm just a little blind." i snort, reaching forward and taking a sip of my water.

"well, hi just a little blind, i'm marcus." he smiles widely, holding his hand out to me.

i let out a loud laugh and take his hand in mine. as i'm shaking his hand it finally dawns on me and my eyes widen.

"wait oh my god, you're jesse st, james!" i exclaim, earning me a few weird stares from people sitting by us.

"that's me. well, that's who i played, yeah." he nods.

there's a small pause, smiles on our faces as we stare back at each other. i glance down at our hands that are still held together and my cheeks burn before i pull away from him.

"i'm sorry." i nervously chuckle.

i chuckle a lot. the word sounds funny now. chuckle chuckle chuckle.

"that's okay. you have a nice hand to hold- wait that sounds creepy."

i giggle and he lets out a short laugh.

"well thank you. so do you. i saw you in spring awakening, by the way. i went with my parents, awkwardly enough. but you were truly great!"

"it is an awkward play to see with your parents. but thank you. i saw the documentary, you are...so talented it's unbelievable. so passionate about your work. you don't see that too much nowadays."

"you're too sweet." i shrug, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear.

he just smiles and turns forward in the chair, pushing himself into the table.

"wait what're you-"

he picks up the place card, ripping it in half and placing it underneath the centerpiece.

"can't have this beautiful of a woman sitting along, now can we?"

and for the first time in a long time, my heart flutters in my chest, and it's not because of matthew.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"wait so let me get this straight, he just...let you revel in all of it? all of your emotions and what not?" marcus furrows his eyebrows, his award placed on the counter as we sit in the nearly empty bar.

"yup...so that's why i was sitting alone. he was supposed to be my plus one, but then all of this stuff happened and i couldn't bring him. so i came alone." i sigh, sipping on my cosmo.

"wow...well he's a fool because you're the most beautiful, fascinating, talented woman i've ever met."

"you meet a lot of women, marcus?" i ask, raising my eyebrow.

"none that compare to you." he smiles, making me nearly swoon.

"you're good." i chuckle, gulping down the rest of my cosmo and standing up.

"should i take you home?" he asks, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

i gasp dramatically, holding my hand over my chest.

"bold of you to assume i wanted to go home."

he gives me an amused smile before standing and walking closer to me.

"so where are we going?"

"we're going to 7/11 to get slurpees, then we're going to sit on my kitchen floor and eat pizza rolls."

he lets out a laugh before reaching forward and grabbing my hand.

"well then, our trusty steed awaits." he says in an english accent before leading my to the parking lot.

the drive to 7/11 then to my house was quite eventful. we had one of those talks that seemingly lasted forever and everything was hilarious. we laughed at everything and we talked about anything. now here we were, laying on the grass in my backyard, the fire pit on as i pointed out my favorite constellations.

"okay, do you see that one that sort of looks like the little dipper, but with a really long and weird handle?" i point my finger out towards the sky, scooting closer to him.

"mhm." he hums, leaning up slightly as if getting closer would help him see better.

"that ones called draco. like harry potter. that's why i like it." i giggle, putting my hand back down.

he turns his head, and intertwines his hand in mine, making a deep red blush fill my cheeks.

"you're the most amazing woman i've ever met."

"you've said that in many different variations today, sir finley." i laugh, turning to look at him.

he lets go of my hand and turns on his side, reaching out his hand and stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"can i kiss you?"

i stare into his deep dark brown eyes, a very different contrast from matthews.

"before you do, you should know that i don't have a lot of faith in love right now."

"let me change that."

a short gasp leaves my mouth as he places his lips on mine. this kiss was gentle but firm. he placed his hand around the back of my head, pulling me closer into him and i turned onto my side, placing my hands on his cheek and into his hair. his hand travels from my neck to my waist as he grips my hips tightly. he pulls away, smiling down at me and running his thumb over my swollen bottom lip.

"whoever that guy is, i thank him for leading me right to you."