bad religion // m. gray gubler

is she fucking with me right now?

matthew's pov

i stare harshly at asteria and marcus as he twirls her around, making her laugh loudly.

"you stare any harder, they just might catch on fire." shemar chuckles, making me shake my head.

"i wouldn't mind if he caught on fire right about now." i sigh, switching out the alcoholic chocolate beverage for a very full glass of whiskey.

"hey now, don't forget that you agreed to be DD." thomas warns, pulling the glass from my hand.

i let out an audible sigh and run my hand through my messy hair.

"is she fucking with me right now? i mean come on. she doesn't love him. she shouldn't be dancing with him and kissing him under the stupid mistletoe. she should be dancing with me. she loves me. i can fucking see it. i'm her best friend. i-"

"you were her best friend, my man. she made that very clear." shemar sighs, patting my back lightly.

"i probably don't know enough about her or this situation to really have an opinion on this. but i'll tell you this much, you need to let her figure that out. you're playing the long game, right now. and maybe she doesn't love him, but in time, she'll figure that out. and maybe she'll find her way back to you. but you did tell her you used her own feelings against her so that you could stroke your ego." thomas points out, making me glare at him.

"i didn't do it on purpose. i didn't even realize that i was in love with her until it was too late to tell her. what kind of stupid rom-com trope is this?" i exasperate, throwing my hands up into the air.

"just wait it out, big guy. you two will be together in time. i've literally never met two people who are more perfect for each other than you two." shemar sighs, finishing off his glass and picking up my full glass that i had set down.

"i've been waiting for like three years." i pout, reaching over to the ice buckets on the counter and grabbing a water bottle.

"she waited eight." thomas says, making me groan.

"please don't remind me" i sigh, taking a big gulp of the water bottle in my hand.

"it's something you should probably be reminded of at least a few times." shemar chuckles.

"i really you guys would rather not." i grumble, watching as marcus wraps his arms around asteria's waist, pressing a kiss to her cheek as they swayed back and forth, engaged into a conversation with kirsten and aj.

"okay, seriously, stop staring. it's getting creepy." paget warns, walking over to us.

"i can't help it! she told me just the other night that he isn't what she wants anymore and that she doesn't know what she wants. which we all should know is code for-"

"no. stop it. she's confused. she's lost. she doesn't know how to feel. and you don't get to tail her until she figures it out. it's her life and it's her heart. you, of all people, have no right to expect anything from her. matthew, i love you. you know i love you. i let you marry me for christs' sake. but you need to back off of this right now. this is hard enough for her as it is, and she doesn't need you up her ass with your snarky remarks and know-it-all attitude. sure, you might know her like the back of your hand and you might know what she's feeling before she knows it herself, but that's for her to figure out. not you." she scolds, pressing her finger into my chest.

thomas, shemar, and i stare at her, our mouths gaping slightly as the angry woman in front of us. i stare quizzically at her as a small smirk forms on my lips.

"what'd she tell you?"

she furrows her eyebrows, quirking her head back.

"excuse me? she didn't tell me anything."

"yes she did. what happened? i mean, i know something's off between them. i thought they were broken up, but nobody breaks up and acts like a couple in front of their friends just for the hell of it. and i could tell something was up with asteria when i talked to her earlier-"

"what did you say to her?" paget glares.

"i'll tell you what i said to her, after you tell me what she said to you." i smile, raising my eyebrow at her.

"what are we? high schoolers?"shemar snorts.

"i'm too old for this shit. i'm gonna go do something...anything else." thomas sighs, walking away from us.

"i'm too emotionally invested in both you and asteria to walk away from this conversation so just...hold on. one second-" shemar holds up his finger, dragging one of the dining table chair over towards us and taking a seat.

"continue." he says, waving his hand.

paget rolls her eyes, taking in a sip of her wine.

"i'm not saying anything to either of you."

"so she did say something?" i smirk, leaning my arm on the top of shemar's chair.

paget groans, shaking her head at my incessant asking.

"stop poking around in things that are none of your business, matthew."

"that's the love of my life. it is my business." i quickly retort.

"oh so now you can say it?" paget quirks, raising her eyebrow at me.

i roll my eyes, taking another large gulp from the water bottle in my hand.

"don't scold me for past matthew's choices and tell me what she said to you that made you get all defensive."

paget sighs, looking over at asteria who's smile seemed to shine brighter than any string of christmas lights in her home.

"you hurt her, matthew. and you hurt her bad. you make her second guess every feeling she has and she hates the way she's feeling right now. she's questioning every move she's making and she's completely lost right now. so just...just leave her be, matthew. i understand that you want to fix things. but fix things as her friend. don't make things any harder than they already are for her."