bad religion // m. gray gubler

la feels weird now, right?

*here's two chapters because that other one was short asf*

the car ride from the airport was silent. awkwardly silent.

"how was the wrap party?" i ask as we make our way down the freeway, the coastline in clear sight.

"it was good. everyone told me to say hello. they missed you." he says, smiling over at me.

"i missed them too. i wanted to stay. i think i just got excited about christmas and got too in my head about the fact that i hadn't started decorating yet or planning my annual party and...it was a stupid choice. i should've went with you. i'm sorry." i sigh, reaching over and grabbing his hand.

he squeezes gently before placing his other hand on top of our intertwined ones.

"it's okay. i get it. it wasn't anything special anyways, i know you just wanted to get back home." he reassures, making the guilt in my chest fade slightly.

i just smile and turn back to the road, focusing on our drive home. i look over at marcus who's leaning his head slightly out the window. watching the coastline zip past us. his once bouncy long curls were now cut short, and his face had filled out. his lips were also slightly fuller now, which was something i found a little odd. not that i was complaining. it was just weird to me that his lips filled out along with his recent muscle gain.

"i forget how much i miss watching the coastline every time i'm in new york." he sighs happily, holding his hand out against the wind.

"yeah, so-cal can be a pain in the ass, but the beaches definitely make up for it." i sigh, taking the exit off of the freeway.

"but i don't know. something about new york makes me not even care about the beaches. you know what i mean?" he asks, sliding the sunglasses onto his face.

"yeah...la feels weird now, right?" i chuckle, making him smile and nod.

"exactly." he says, reaching over and placing his hand gently on my thigh, his thumb rubbing soft circles on the inner area of my thigh.

"excuse me sir, i'm on the road." i say raising my eyebrow at him.

"we can crash for all i care." he smirks, making me gasp and hit him in the chest.

he bursts out into laughter, making me laugh and shake my head.

"you're bad." i smile, pulling into parking lot of his apartment building.

"only for you." he gushes sarcastically, making me roll my eyes.

as soon as i put the car into park, he leans over, pressing a gentle kiss on my lips.

"this feels wrong." he sighs as i pull away and my heart drops.

"what?"

"we've lived together for the last 10 months and suddenly we're back at our separate places, not living together. it feels weird." he shrugs, unbuckling his seatbelt.

i let out a short breath and nod my head.

"yeah, i get what you mean. i actually had a hard time sleeping last night." i chuckle, thinking back on all the tossing and turning i was doing the previous night.

of course i was tossing and turning for reasons other than the fact that marcus wasn't beside me, but he didn't need to know that.

"well you know that you can stay over, right?" he says as we exit the car.

i help him grab his things out of the trunk of my car and i nod my head.

"i know. that's why i am." i shrug, making him laugh.

"oh yeah. my couch is definitely free."

"well then. looks like i'll be having sex by myself on your couch." i say, giving a dramatic sigh as i walk ahead of him and into the building.

"w-wait. baby, no i was kidding! my bed is wide open!" he shouts behind me, making me smile as i ran down the hallways and into the elevator, pressing the close door button rapidly.

i wave mischievously at him as the door closes on him. as soon as i'm onto his floor, i race to his apartment door and quickly unlock it, leaving his bags in his front hallway and practically ripping my t-shirt and shorts off. i slide on one of the kimonos i had left here and tie the front as he throws open the door. his eyes widen slightly as he looks over me. the short blue silk draped across my partially naked body.

"i'll just take that couch, now." i smirk.

"yeah. no." he deadpans, reaching over and throwing me over his shoulder.

i squeal and he rushes up the stairs before throwing me onto his bed. i laugh loudly and he pulls on the front strings of my kimono.

"you, my love, are a goddess." he breathes out as he crawls over me.

"shut up and kiss me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

he hums a soft tune as he traces his finger over the edges of my body. i let out a soft breath and i nestle closer into him. the moon illuminating his bedroom.

"would it be cheesy to serenade you with my own song right now?" he asks, making me snort.

"it's technically disney's song. so no. plus, get this right is the cutest song i've ever heard." i mumble into his chest, making him chuckle as he wraps his arms around me.

he holds me tightly against him as he begins to hum the melody, slowing it down and making it seem less...disney. the deeper notes vibrating in his chest and bringing me into a further state of relaxation. and as we're laying here, i can't help but think about the things that kirsten or shemar or even matthew had said to me. and i wondered, maybe we weren't in love anymore. we did love each other, i knew that much. but to say we were still in love may have been a stretch. we were stuck, there had been nowhere else left for us to go. sure we could move in with each other and there were stages in our relationship we never came across, but that's because we didn't want to. and at this point, i wasn't sure what i was supposed to do anymore.

"i love you." he mumbles into my head as he presses and soft kiss on my forehead.

i let out a long yawn and tighten my grip around his torso. i feel his body sinking further into the mattress telling me that he must've fallen asleep. then i look up at him, sighing as i trace my finger over his jaw.

"i love you too."

(a/n: op. she said too. yikes. also, i know jonathan is gay, but pls don't murder me it's just a fACE CLAIM PLS I'M ONLY A LOVESICK WOMAN WHO WRITES THESE STORIES TO FUFILL HER ROMANTIC FANTASIES)