FAM- ily (Sanders Sides Family Au)

Chapter 5 [It's Always For You]

AN: This is gonna be kinda weird, I've had an idea to do this since I started this book and it may be a little hard to explain but I'm gonna try.

Warnings: crying, self-transphobia, gayness
(also I'm just writing with a few tips from my amazing non-binary friend and the thoughts in my head (im genderfluid but ive been recently not feeling like i am) so no not everyone is going to feel the same)

2 weeks later

I know that I should have myself figured out by now,, but for the past couple of weeks I havent felt like being myself, I keep feeling like a female or they/them then in the middle of the day I get a ton of,,,, bad feelings.

I know that I should tell Janus since well,, he is my husband but I feel like I've been lying to myself and him.

These are the thoughts that drew me to cry in the master bedrooms bathroom. I was home alone as Janus was out watching over a playdate with Remus and Virgil and I got a sudden urge to just chop all my hair off.

I mean it looks great but it took a minute for me to realize what I did and I panicked and now im cradling myself on the bathroom floor trying to work through my panic.

Thats when the bathroom door opened to reveal my worried looking husband and a confused and slightly scared son.

"Remus, can you please go to your room? I'll come and get you later." Janus asks, Remus quickly nodding and running off.

Janus then moved and sat beside Remy making sure not to touch him.

"Do you want to be touched?" Janus asked, Remy quickly nodding and reaching out for Janus to take his hand. Janus immediately taking it and starts tracing patterns onto the soft skin.

"Is there any reason this started?" Janus asks softly, noticing Remy nods again.

"Okay, you dont have to tell me now but-"

"Im so gross." Remy interrupts with a sob.

"nononono sweetheart why do you think that?" Janus asks softly pulling the crying human into his lap to basically cradle the smaller one.

"I... I feel bad." Remy says.

"Can you explain how?"

"I dont know! Its just one week I was fine, I was certain what gender I felt that day but now,,, I feel like I'm trying to force myself to be what I'm not." Remy explains rubbing his eyes harshly making Janus gently take his hands from his eyes.

"Okay.. what gender do you want to be?" Janus asks calmly.

"I want to be a guy.." Remy mumbles into the crook of Janus' neck.

"Okay," Janus starts while rubbing Remys back, "Thats okay, you dont have to be certain of who you are, and if you feel bad from who youre trying to be I'm not gonna force you to be that person."

"Thank you.." Remy says finally calmed down.

"Ill love you no matter what gender, name, or anything you decide to be." Janus says sweetly making Remy giggle.

"Youre so cheesy." He says sitting up.

"I know," Janus says leaning his forehead on his lovers, "but you love me."

"I do." Remy says before kissing Janus with a soft sigh then pulling back.

"By the way lovely haircut, what amazing hairdresser did you get to do that for you?" Janus says with a grin making Remy laugh softly.

"You really like it?" Remy asks nibbling on his bottom lip.

"Like it? I love it." Janus says emphasizing it with a kiss on the neck, then cheek, then lips once more.

"And I love you." Janus says after pulling back from the kiss.

"I love you too." Remy replies.

An: im sOrry! but this isnt the last of the angst trust me uwu!