Lay and be lonely | H.S

Chapter 9

Tuesday

It's been three days since I've seen Harry in school. The last time I saw his face was when the smile that graced his face disappeared. It was such an odd ending to our meeting. I've been trying to convince myself for the past week that it wasn't my fault. I haven't said anything wrong. I'm sure. I think...

Where is he off too?

I'm glad that I haven't seen him since our last encounter, that I don't have to sit next to him in math class and watch his beautiful face with so much self control. Then be quickly reminded that this boy is distant and cold I'll never go so far to be even a friend of his. He is awfully closed off. And highly confusing.

I don't know what changed in me. I'm used to being the closed off type and I always appreciate people like me as I'm not forced by them to open up. And usually if someone dislikes me the way Harry does I wouldn't bother trying to befriend them. I mean I'd like to know why he dislikes me so much. But after that I don't think I'll care enough. It is what it is, it'll take me time but I have to accept that not everyone has to like me.

To be honest, I have enough self hatred for myself as it is. Nobody is gonna top that amount of hatred, so how hurt can I get?

But there's something about him. I want him to like me. I want him to open up to me. I just want to understand what's going on in that mind of his. He's the only person who was able to ignite some emotion within me. How could he when my closest friends and family couldn't? He did what medication couldn't. He's the only tie I have to human emotion. Tiniest light within all the numbness around me. It made me miss all these feelings, even sadness and anger were missed. If only he knew he had all this control over me. A small part of me want him to know that.

But I'm not naive enough to let him know. Just like almost any other person with power. He'll use it to his advantage. And I know I'll never come out a winner in any of the possible outcomes. Used and more numb than before.

-
Harry's POV

"Can you please stay with me?" Her tiny voice said pleading.

"I will stay with you as long as you need me"

"But I need you all the time."

"Then I'll stay with you all the time"

She smiled brightly as I began to stroke her soft blonde locks. She is my everything. But there she lays in the hospital with a bruised body and small cuts on her delicate features because I was dumb enough to leave her alone. She even had to get stitches this time. She is strong and she says she feels okay and that it doesn't hurt. I know it does, I see it in her eyes. Ones that remain shining so brightly even after everything they'd seen. We've been through a lot. She is only eight, she shouldn't be going through a lot. She should be living her childhood as she pleases with no consequences or worries. It was unfair to her. I wish I could give her a better life.

Having to lie to people who question us on how it happened was the most painful. I wish I could tell them the truth so we can get out of this hellhole. But it's not that easy, I'm still a minor and we'll end probably in a worse situation if I speak up.

"Harry you have bruises too!" Her face riddled with worry.

"It's okay bells, I'm okay, it doesn't hurt me. I'll just put some ice on it and I'll be good as new!" I said enthusiastically to lighten the mood.

It worked. She smiled back and held on to her teddy bear a little tighter.

"We are supposed to leave today, do you want that ice cream I promised to get you?"

"Yes!!!"
-
Lana's POV
Wednesday

I go to sit down in math class looking at the empty seat next to me. A part of me longing to see Harry's face again. This boy has got me whipped and all he did was be his usual rude and distant self. What is it about him?

Whenever I read a book where the protagonist fell for the bad boy type who is a total dickhead to her, I thought the character was really stupid and was immediately uninterested to read the rest of the novel. As they say don't mock anyone for what they do because you might swallow your words later. That is precisely what I am doing.