Purgatory Line

"ground control to major tom, your circuit's dead. there's something wrong."

"ground control to major tom, your circuit's dead. there's something wrong." - space oddity - david bowie

content warnings: graphic descriptions of violence & blood & torture, mention of death, descriptions of physical/mental/emotional abuse, mentions of parental death, graphicly described ptsd sympotms including a flashback, symptoms of abuse described

Castiel didn't want to tell Jude what he meant until everyone showed up, but there was one problem: who would watch Lear? He had finished his documentary and didn't want to watch another. Just because he'd seen a lot for a six year old didn't mean that he had to continue seeing that shit. At least, that was Jude's opinion. Dean seemed to share that ideal, as well.

Luckily it was one that almost everyone shared. They quickly figured out a solution: Castiel called for Gabriel, who took the boy to the library to entertain him. Gabriel and Jude shared some snarky comments, but she was sure that was just to try and cheer her up because she was shaking like a leaf. Everyone filed into the War Room and sat - well, everyone but Castiel. He stood at the head of the table, between the Winchester men and directly across from Jude.

She felt a little bit like she was facing down the firing squad once more. Her throat constricted, and she prepared herself for the worst. What would the worst be? Would she be kicked out? Would they send her away?

Her head was spinning away from her like a bad carnival ride and her heartbeat was thrumming in her ears like the ocean. She waited, once again, for someone to speak. Castiel took that mantel upon himself, sighing loudly in the silent room. He repeated his question - asking Jude if she had been visited by her mother in her dreams.

"Just once," Jude confessed, doing her best to keep eye contact with Castiel. She wanted to do that because it was easier than looking at Dean, or even Sam. "Last night." Castiel nodded and put his hand on the back of Dean's chair, leaning against it. "Why? It was just a dream. I don't understand why it's important."

"I'm afraid it was not a dream, Fledgling." Castiel rumbled, "You are a nephilim, with a connection to Hell through your very soul. I have gathered information and, as I was speaking to a crossroads demon, he informed me that Eleanor was attempting to make contact with you."

"Whoa, wait, what does that mean?" Dean twisted in his chair to look up at Castiel. "Is it like what used to happen to Sammy?"

Sam turned to glare at his brother, and Jude's eyes flickered back and forth between them. The tension in the room seemed to skyrocket. "Dude, I was having visions." His voice was low, and he cut his eyes toward Jude intermittently. "I was never visited by a person who's supposed to be in hell."

"You watch your mouth, Sammy." Dean warned. He didn't look at Jude, and she twisted her hands in her lap. Her fingers ached. "Don't forget when that yellow-eyed bastard visited you in your dreams when you were in that Hunger Games bullshit? It could be the same thing, right, Cas?"

Castiel shook his head and cast a concerned look between the Winchesters. "Azazel was a demon. Eleanor is still human. The demon that was possessing her when she conceived both Jude and Lear had been exorcised before her death two years ago. This seems to come from Jude's connection to Hell and her connection to her mother." Sam seemed to be on the defensive, then, jaw clenched. Dean just seemed to deflate like a balloon. "What did Eleanor say to you, Fledgling?" The attention turned back to her, and she felt herself flush with embarrassment.

Jude appreciated that Castiel was being soft with her and actually looking at her. Neither Sam nor Dean were doing either of those things and it made her feel incredibly alone. Jude cleared her throat, looking down to the red, irritated skin of her hands as she wrung them. "Uh, we spent a little bit just talking. She asked me how Lear is doing. I told her that Desmond is dead." Jude dug her thumbnail into the palm of her hurt hand, pain zinging through her arm. "I didn't tell her I killed him, though."