hot girl summer (remastered) • mmkay_maya

chapter thirteen ✰

"i can't fucking do this!"

elmo ditches the note book at the wall.

"me neither" i say, pushing mine away.

we were struggling to write what we were gonna say at my mothers funeral. my mom was worth so much more than words on paper.

"let's just speak from our hearts. we can't write about her because words can't describe how amazing she was"

"you're right. let's just make something up on the spot because speaking from our heart is better than reading off a speech anyway"

it's been a week since my birthday. i didn't want to be on my phone all week because of not wanting to see everyone's messages, mainly from the girls.

elmo absolutely hates himself right now. he regrets every single thing he's ever done to my mom, although they weren't anything bad.

my dad is, you guessed it, at work. my dad is already bad without my mom so if he didn't do what he and her loved most, he would go insane. he doesn't even come home on sunday's anymore, which is okay.

i'm okay.

i mean, of course i'm not!

but i'm okay.

like, i'm really not emotionally but i know what i'm doing and how i'm supposed to feel. i'm not talking with anyone except jaden and chase, who skip first period everyday to come see elmo and i.

i'm glad it hasn't been awkward at all, especially with how fucking crazy i was on saturday. like throwing myself on to jaden like that? i was so stupid for thinking that it could make me feel better but nothing ever could. my mother's gone.

i hear the front door unlock as elmo and i stand up and walk towards it.

elmo goes over and greets chase first.

"hi jaden"

"hi doll"

i walk over and smile as jaden pulls me into a tight hug.

"i got you coffee and a bagel"

"you don't have to bring me breakfast every morning"

"you know you wouldn't eat if i didn't"

"i know. sorry"

"it's okay, it's not your fault"

he goes and greets elmo and hands him his coffee and bagel as i walk over to chase and hug him.

"feeling any better today?" he asks.

"a tiny bit. i feel like the more i accept that she's gone, the more i feel better. it's still really hard though"

"of course it would be! it's only been six days"

we all go into the living room and sit down. it looked so empty and sad that i wanted to cry. i missed everyone coming here after school but i don't feel like talking to any of them, mainly the girls.

jaden places the keys, bagel and coffee down and wraps his arm around me.

jaden has our key that belonged to my mother. he's the only other person that elmo and i could trust to have it. it would've been hannah, i swear but neither of us can even look at her right now.

another big belonging of my mother's was her car. my father and elmo want me to have it since i don't have a car yet and i wanted elmo to have it but they insisted. i now have her car but i'm never in the mood to drive it anywhere.

hannah and elmo are on an undeclared break but they haven't spoken ever since mom passed so i think it's kind of obvious. right now i just feel terrible for elmo. jaden is by my side every second he can be. the rest of boys came over a few times to comfort elmo but it's not the same as if hannah did.