Never ending void.
That's what lives inside me.
That's what fazes through my mind for the quickest second as I devour great amounts of food, this disorder, this black hole living inside of me.
Taking control of me, I take in tons of food..but then, I bring it back up.
For the simple pleasure of knowing I've lost a little of the weight on my shoulders.
I hate this feeling, but the relief I gain when I'm done is heavenly.
The feeling of being closer to skinny, closer to perfect, closer to beautiful.
It's worth all the pain and disgust with myself.
I weigh myself every morning, to see how many times I need to purge.
The weight slips away and so does my health.
I grow weaker and weaker every day..
Skipping meals or eating too much then throwing it back up wreaks havoc on my mental stability.
Either it's too much, or it's not enough.
This, this demon has been possessing me for years.
It first chose me in middle school, seeing all the skinny girls being followed by wide eyed boys.
Never was I shone that attention, never.
I was looked up and down each day as I walked through the halls.
That was when all this began.
The things teenage girls go through today are horrible, unruly.
We're supposed to be sisters standing together, but judging others based on weight, appearance, or status is what brings girls like me to take up this demon, this habit, or addiction.
All we want is to feel beautiful.
The world we live in today, it's full of hate.
Judgement and pain occupy the streets harming at a constant rate.
Things being said in a hushed tone,
Causing our deepest feelings to show.
Holding back what we feel is a deadly mistake.
We fight and fight to ignore the hate.
But at the end of the day it's still the same.
Breaking and giving in to the demon again..
So, please, watch what you say...
It might not be affecting you but think of who you're dissing.
Show some empathy and walk on their shoes.
