Me and Older Men : Janie

Thirteen

"He hasn't called!"

"Oh my god! You have to stop." Sara pleaded for the eleventh time. I have been talking her ear off ever since we met up. "I'm glad he hasn't in a way. You just told me everything and the guy is a piece of work and also a bit scary. Forget about him, I bet there's a ton of other guys out there waiting to get rid of your virginity."

"Shhhhh-"

"What?!"

"People," I said waving my arms around. "With ears. The can hear you."

Her laugh was almost contagious but I wouldn't let myself relax or enjoy the fact that my friend was engaged and ready to be a wife and a mom. Her belly was starting to show and there was no longer the slutty spirit living inside her, she was studying to be a teacher now. Kindergarten. The preconscious blond that used to make out with the art teacher in the supply above the auditorium has almost a mature and responsible adult.

"So what they can hear me, is not like you're 32 and a virgin."

"Still, is no ones business what has not happened. Yet." Yes, yet. It was bound to happen and I wanted it to happen, the thing is that the current possible penis owner turned out to be a jerk.

"Come on!" She pulled my arm forward surprisingly hard make me stumble a few steps. "Is not like you're a total newbie. I taught you a few things and you applied and passed with flying colors. Remember Michael?" The name doesn't ring me a bell so she has to remind me what we did and then it hits me and I remember it all quite too well. The escapades to his shared apartment of make out sessions on the couch, More than kissing. I'm surprised on how the hell I am still a virgin. I guess luck, none of the guys I fooled around pressured me to put it in, a blow job or maybe the fear of jail time. There's also the memory of Kent phone call that night. It broke my heart then but now is all but a mild sour memory.

"Whatever happened to him?"

"No idea. I mean I do know he's alive somewhere but haven't seen him since the night he went loco."

"Right."

We walked quietly side by side letting go of the awkwardness of the moment. Blocking that part of my life ever since I moved away to go to college wasn't easy at first. He left a huge mark in my life and now I recognize that he did made me feel something, not love, because I'm sure love didn't make a person behave the way he did. It was something close to lust and affection. He shouldn't have acted on his jealousy, or whatever it was that was going through her mind. I see it now. I was a minor looking for trouble and he acted on his lust more than anything. Is good that he has kept his distance but it doesn't make me less curious about him.

"Imagine if you bump into him while you're here."

"Shut up!" I can't help it but the idea makes me tingle a little bit. Okay is something warm, a fuzzy warm feeling in my lower belly. No idea if the past few years have been kind to him. He must be close to what? Fifty?

"That got you thinking uh?"

"You're not nice."

"That I ain't" She shimmies as she stops in front of the victoria secret store. "Come, I need new thongs for Charles. He's been away for weeks and I need to remind him what he got here waiting for him."

Slut.

"A baby on the way." I remind her making her giggle. Poor man, he must be head over heels with her. I pity the fool. Sara as always years ahead of me and will always be, I could see her with her baby on her hip and still look smoking hot. She was just one of those that had that sort of sexual thing, exuding from the pores. She didn't really have to do much but just stand there and be herself. I needed some of that. I needed to rub on some Sara on me, she says is mostly my personality that's more introverted and people misjudge my character as dry but is mostly shyness living in my own world with my first world problems. Being more friendly might help but I tried being friendly and look where it's got me.