The Northern Lights

Chapter 7. Hello.

France, 2003

Azra's belly is outstretched like a faraway horizon. She was awoken in the night by a sudden sense of pressure in her stomach. A small kick. Though she fell back asleep timidly, wrapped in the warmth of a blanket and having the rough chin of her soul mate rest next to her. His breathing rhythmic and calming. It is noon now; her eyes are still in slumber. Eden is no longer in bed. He had prepared breakfast, assuming that she would wake, but she has not. The eggs he had fried are isolated, soon to be disposed and deemed too cold to consume, like winter's touch.

He does not eat. His stomach empty of food, gut full of thoughts. Eden feels autumn fading away. He stands like a skeleton on the balcony, his contemplating eyes stretch far and wide searching for something he cannot explain. He called in sick to work today, though he is not physically ill. I will be a father soon. The branches have grown, one acts as a bony arm reaching out towards him. The tree has a few leaves left, they shiver, their friends have faded distant memories.

Eden paces back and forth frantically. He whispers to himself again and again like a broken record, "I will be a father. I will be a father." In the past few months he has read every parenting guide book there was in the library, stuck bubble wrap or duct tape around every sharp corner of the house and bought all the gender-neutral baby clothing he could find, though he subconsciously picked the blue nappies. One week left until he is a father. One week left for him to learn to become a father.

His feet no longer drift along the ground. He stops. A light bulb flickers in his head. Azra is still dead asleep, her body facing towards the ceiling, her stomach like a perfectly round hill. Eden collects his favourite pen from the top drawer, it rolls out easily unlike where he used to stash his cigarettes. All four corners of the draw have been covered in soft little plastic bubbles, waiting to be popped. Eden collects the little block of lilac sticky notes and begins to write. The paper is rough, a thin layer of dust is left on his fingers. His navy pen begins its journey on the little square of paper, "Call me when you wake up," with a little love heart added at the end. His slender fingers stick the square of purple onto her forehead, applying a light amount of pressure. It sticks, though it is a bit crinkled. Her nose scrunches for a second, Eden almost laughs, but is able to leave the room in ghostly silence.

His car is as black as the plague, it's paint soaks in light better than any cosmic vacuum pit. It shines majestically in the autumn sunlight. He begins his drive; the engine's hum is as smooth as butter. His car glides to a place he has not seen in almost half a decade, to someone he missed dearly but not enough to forgive. He does not know if his family will want to see him, or if they even live at the same home. Though he does know that he needs advice, that he is afraid of raising a child. His parents may have ditched Eden during his adulthood with malice, but they raised him to become a voyager, a boy whose curiosity would expand beyond the edges of the universe. He wants to know how. His desire to raise a child properly has been pushing away at his thoughts, like the baby inside Azra's womb, kicking and kicking, waiting to be set free. Eden is aware that he won't be able to live with himself if he disappoints his child like his father did to him.

His mind races, competing with his heartrate. He recognizes the roads and turns now, passing his old Church, where he was baptized as a little baby wrapped in his mother's love and care. Remembers his first confession, the times he used to fall asleep during the dreadfully long masses. He doesn't miss being forced into the religion, though he does yearn for an afterlife, for a place of love and laughter after his demise. For his and Azra's souls to be carried in the sky, so that he can watch over his child even when his eyes don't work anymore.

His childhood home is a few streets away now, Eden's heart pounds as sweat beads begin to form on his temple. He recognizes the placement of trees, the layout of each turn and street sign and notices how some of the houses' have changed colours, how new cars occupy the driveways he used to walk pass to get to school. There it is. The place he used to call home. A blur of memories come racing back in a split second, waves of childhood moments wash over him, his father twirling him around in a backyard that he called the Amazon, where he hid from his mama. He becomes intoxicated with nostalgia.

They have a new car. He deducts, as his eyes investigate the bulky, twilight navy family car that laid still on a newly tiled driveway. Eden parks, his heart thumps so loud, so quickly, he fears it will break the sound barrier.

Each step is timorous, becoming shorter and shorter. He has counted the years since he saw his father gigantic smile, that scruffy beard. Eden's hunger pangs for his mama's famous home cooked dinners were more aggressive than his cigarette cravings. It has been a long six years. Have they missed me? He wonders, as the birchwood door begins to be the only thing his eyes can perceive.

He finishes dawdling towards the door, inhales deeply, his nostrils flare. His heart throbs, pulsing in his ears and chest. Eden's clenched knuckles tap three times on the door, each knock harder than the other. He listens to the sound echo throughout his old home, imagines being inside the bedroom that had model airplanes dangled from its ceiling. Eden senses another soul approaching the door, readies himself with an exhale. The brass doorknob twists and shakes, the distinguishing squeaking of the handle was still familiar. The portal to his childhood opens with so much anticipation that Eden's hand begins to tremble violently.

His mother's distinctive eyes widen at the sight of him. He notices wrinkles around them that weren't there over half a decade ago.

His eyes gaze at her in silence, his stare almost unfamiliar to middle aged Edith. Edith's young, caramel eyes catch the sparkle of gold around Eden's ring finger. Edith wraps her arms around her adventurier, he is taller than she remembers.