where i belong

-8-

Chapter Eight

A blanket was draped over my body a few hours later. The light was dimmed in the room and there was a pillow under my head. I looked around and saw Kevin passed out cold in his bed. He must've covered me up when he came to his room. I sat up on the couch and reached for my phone to check the time, only to find that it was still dead. I tiptoed over to Kevin's phone. It was seven in the morning.

I folded the blanket and left it on the couch with the pillow placed neatly on top of it. I grabbed my phone and turned off the light as I left the room. My first instinct was to go to Colby's room, but I went downstairs instead. There were people passed out cold on the floor and couches and I sighed lightly.

I poured myself a drink and walked outside to the lawn. It was quite a mess but it was empty. I feel like this is the only place where someone isn't. The sun is almost fully risen and it was warm, yet moist in the air. I walked to the hot tub and dipped my feet into it, swaying them back and forth as I stared at the water rippling. I felt numb. Not just with last night. My life doesn't feel like it's in order even though I'm so close to where I've always wanted to be.

I sat out here for hours getting lost in my head. At one point, I moved over to the regular pool as the early summer heat was starting to beat down on my skin. I wasn't sure what time it was, but the slider door opened and I knew someone would soon find me. I just didn't want to talk about last night. I'm not sure if anyone else knows what happened last night anyway. There weren't many people in the backyard and I made sure not to cause a scene.

"I'm sobered up," I heard Colby's voice ring in my ears as he sat next to me. He rolled up his pants and dipped his legs into the water. He kept a good distance between him and I. Nodding, I took a sip out of the red solo cup that was only filled with lemonade. I continued to sway my feet to a beat of a song I was singing in my head. I didn't care to speak right now. I wasn't angry. More so disappointed in myself, "I remember last night," he spoke again, I'm assuming in hopes to get me to speak.

I just nodded my head again and stared at the water.

"I'd never cheat on you," he said.

"Do you love me?" I spluttered out, glancing at him but looking down once I met his eyes. I didn't want to see his reaction.

"That's crazy, of course I do."

It fell silent once again.

"I don't know what you want from me, Les. I don't want you to be upset with me."

"Would you have cheated on me if I didn't interrupt you and that girl last night?" I spit out. He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows and pinched my cheeks.

"I may be a complete dumbass sometimes. I may not know how to be the perfect boyfriend all the time and I definitely have stuff I need to work on, but I would never cheat on you. Drunk or not, I'm always going to be conscious enough not to ruin the best thing in my life."

"You know, I thought I had the rest of my life figured out. After last night though, I'm not so sure. It just feels like your love for me has diminished. It feels like I'm falling more in love with you with each passing day while you're falling out of it. And that terrifies me. Because when you've been with someone for half a decade, you start to wonder if you could even be without them in your life."

"Don't say that. Please don't say that," he cried, tears falling from his face.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm overreacting from last night, but my mind can't stop imagining what could have happened if I didn't shove you away from that girl last night. It almost feels like you cheated. I can picture your lips on hers, kissing her like you do me. And it won't get out of my head."