where i belong

-5-

Chapter Five

    I woke up to feeling of someone poking my cheek and my nose, and my arm. My eyes fluttered open to see a smiley Sam continuing to poke me. I rolled my eyes and tried grinning, but I was too tired and just wanted to fall back asleep. He went onto my phone and turned the alarm off that I had set. Apparently he woke up before me and the phone. That, or he never went to sleep in the first place. I have a hard time believing that he's this peppy in the morning with barely getting enough sleep.

    "I'm going, I'm going," I griped, shimmying away from Colby. I stared at him as he went to grab for me and pouted. If only I could just not show for my final exams. I'd lay in bed with a sleepy Colby all day.

    I went to the bathroom and did my morning routine. Then I rummaged through my backpack that's in here to pick out an outfit. I just threw on a baggy pair of gray sweatpants and a tight black crop top. I tied my hair up in a quick three second bun, pulled out the loose baby hairs and walked back out of the bathroom. Sam was waiting there all too close to the door with a large smile on his face. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at him with questioning eyes but he paid no mind. I quietly packed everything I brought with me and followed Sam out of the hotel room.When we got into the car, I connected my phone to the bluetooth speakers of the car and played some of my music to stimulate my brain and wake me up a bit more for my final exam.

    "Can we get breakfast on the way there? Even like a smoothie would work. I just don't want to take my exam on an empty stomach."

    "Yeah, 'course," he replies, turning into Chatty Cathy Coffee and Juice Co. minutes later. It's Alicia and I's favorite coffee shop around town. They have the best acai bowls. Sam asked me what I wanted and ran inside to get it for me. I took a picture of my feet on the dash with the sign of the shop in the background and posted it to my Instagram story. I captioned it: final exams week has begun, wishing everyone luck.

    "Here ya go m'lady," he said sarcastically, bowing and handing me my acai berry smoothie. I thanked him and we started the short journey back to my campus. When we arrived, he parked in the parking lot behind my residence hall then took the keys out of the ignition, "I'll walk you up."

    I nodded my head and got out of the car. He took my bag from me and carried it up for me, which was considerate. During the trip up, we talked more about Colby.

    "I think what's best for him at this point is just getting a break. You guys haven't had one since the hospital accident years ago. Then maybe on the break, he can figure out if quitting is actually going to make him happy. He's so work driven, I genuinely don't think quitting would make him happy. It might for a few months, but he'd miss it. Sure, he'd still be involved with my YouTube and stuff, but it wouldn't be the same. Plus, I'm going to get a job as a vet and he'll be alone some days. I just, I don't know how to help him. I feel so bad because I feel like he thinks he's a failure and he's not. He's accomplished so much. You both have," I vented while opening my dorm door. Sam came in and placed my backpack on my desk chair. He took a seat on top of the bed and I rummaged around my desk to find some course material to study before the test in an hour.

    Sam nodded, "Yeah, I feel you. With you going to work a 9 to 5 job, he might get bored at home alone if he quits YouTube. He's always gone through mental problems; I just wish I knew how to help him."

    "Just being there," I replied, patting my palm on his thigh. He nodded sadly and I wish our day didn't go like that yesterday. I could say I regret posting Sam on my story, but I really don't. I shouldn't have to limit what I post—especially a picture of my close friend. "The fans should accept me by now. I've been dating Colby for almost six years. Like yeah, I know most of that time was long distance, but that doesn't mean anything."

    "No I totally see where you're coming from. I don't know what their issue is," he said, looking around the room, "You've really been in the friend group for six years?" He questioned, shocked. I chuckled.

    "I guess so? It doesn't feel that long."

    We continued talking and reminiscing on the old memories of the original trap house days. Before I knew it, almost an hour had passed and I needed to get to my first exam. I grabbed a pencil, pen, calculator, and my phone before following Sam out of my room. I walked him down to the rental.

    "Tell Colby I'll FaceTime him later. I know he'll want to come over but I need to study and I won't do that with him next to me. I'll see you guys Thursday morning, yeah?"

    He nodded and enveloped me in a hug. We rocked back and forth, just swaying like this for a whole minute. I know it's only for three days, but it just sucks to feel at home just to leave a couple days later.

    "Okay, you have to go," Sam said.

    I pouted and gripped onto him tighter. Finally, I accepted the fact that I had to leave him and he got into the car. I didn't wait for him to pull out; I just walked away. He's my best friend, my venting buddy. I already miss him like hell and we just left each other. I miss Colby more.

    It will never fail to amaze me on how crazy my life has become. Just agreeing to go to one party and getting ditched by my roommate has lead me to finding my soulmate and a family. I found a forever in them and it would have never happened if Colby didn't fall off of that god damn kitchen counter almost six years ago.

    I have to put everything in the back of my mind though and just focus on my academics. If I'm thinking about my boyfriend during the final, everything I've studied for a week now will fly out of the window and never come back. I've made it too far to fail now.