You Took Me By Surprise (Joker Fanfic)

9 ~ Explanation

I really wasn't sure what to think anymore. It was like Arthur was two different people. One, I really liked. The other, creepy as hell. Should I report him? I'd feel kinda bad, but I didn't feel safe. I picked up the newspaper next to me and leafed through it, wondering if there was any listings for available apartments. There was one, not too far from here, but it was a bit more expensive. Still, I had saved up quite a bit of money, and the pay at my job was pretty good so I could probably afford it. This place was in such bad condition anyway. Hmmmm...

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"Please, just hear me out".
Arthur half reached for my arm as he said this, but thought better of it.
"I have really bad depression and anxiety. I've been that way for so long, it's all I know now. When you came along, (YN), I- well I suppose I couldn't believe that someone like you was even acknowledging my existence. And it felt like you wanted to...be my friend? His voice became small when he said this, and he looked down at his hands. "To be honest..." he chuckled nervously, and takes a drag from his cigarette, ..."I had, and... I still do, have feelings for you".
Then he bursts into a fit of his painful laughter, his face becomes flushed.
I sighed quietly, digesting all this. Arthur had called to my apartment because he wanted to explain his behaviour, but I was weary of being alone in my apartment with him. So, I decided I may as well hear what he had to say, and I suggested we go for a walk in the park. I suggested this, knowing that there would be plenty of people out today because it was a beautiful day: clear, crisp, and bright.
Arthur's laughing subsided, and he continued to talk.
"When you came along, I will admit I became obsessed with you, which led to me behaving in the weird ways I did. I was really missing you that week when you went home for Christmas. One day, I even stood outside your door, imagining what it would be like if we were more than friends and I was just able to come into your house after a long, troublesome day of work. I reached my hand out as I was imagining this, and I opened the door. It really wasn't locked. I don't know if you forgot to lock it or something, but I promise you that I have no way of getting into your apartment myself".
This surprised me because I was always so careful. I was still skeptical.
"(YN), I had had a really horrible day at work that day. I got jumped, and I was in a lot of pain. And depressed as hell. You were such a nice distraction for me, and that's why I was obsessed with you and missed you so much. I wasn't thinking straight that day because I felt so horrible, so I went into your apartment and sat on your couch. That's when you came back. I know my depression doesn't justify anything, but I felt abandoned when you left at Christmas, and I guess that's why I came across as angry when you came back, but I would never have hurt you".
He sighed, taking another long drag from his cigarette. "I'm just so damn lonely".
I mean this made everything clearer, but I was really convinced by what he was saying. He seemed to be speaking the truth.
"Arthur", I began, "I really liked you. I mean that. But I need a bit of space for some time to think about how I feel about this. You know it's not right, I was really afraid of you coming back into my apartment every night since then".
I glanced over at him, and he looked so guilty.
"I promise you, I won't talk to you again until you decide to talk to me again, if you ever even want to after this. I'll leave you alone, I promise, but I really hope you can forgive me. You were the closest thing I got to having a friend. I know that's sad, but it is true". He looked me in the eyes, meaningfully.
I guess I had some thinking to do.