The Pieces of Us

The First Kiss

Getting to know someone to the point where you can outwardly display your affection and trust for them has always been really difficult. So naturally, kissing was off the table. Well, it was off the table.

I had hit a point in our ever so young relationship where I was really just comfortable. There was never awkward silences, deep blushes when one of you says something inappropriate, the small not entirely genuine laugh that you do when they tell a joke, it was just us and we were happy.

That, as most things, didn't last very long. It lasted a few days, maybe even a week, before Matthias screwed everything up. And, honestly, I think it was way to early to have a first kiss.

It was around the beginning of November, and the weather was beginning to cool down just a little bit. Not so much as being cold, but a small drop in temperature. Hoodie weather, I guess. I was really quite happy that it was getting colder, because I happen to love the autumn. I like the way the frost turns the tips of the grass a foggy white color. I love being able to see my breath and pretending I'm some sort of fire breathing dragon. I love watching the leaves change from green to red and yellow and orange. It's a very kind of peaceful and quiet time.

But, the season was not the main focus of my mind that night. Matthias and I were working on a PowerPoint presentation for our history class. We had to present it on the following Monday, and we had no class time, so working on it out of class was our only option

Luckily, Matthias and I were parteners (apperently our history teacher hadn't discovered that we were friends yet) which meant I didn't have to invite a stranger to my house, or go to a stranger's house, which was always a good thing in my opinion.

"You know, I personally find American Government really boring," Matthias stated as he typed in more information on the topic.

"Come on, it's not as bad as it seems. Mr.Thomas is the most boring teacher in the whole high school, but at least he doesn't go on crazy rants like Ms. Withers."

"Or do crazy gestures that make no sense like Mr.Kelton."

"Or shouts as loud as possible as Mrs.Daron."

"At least he's not Miss Erin." I laughed at him. Everyone in the whole high school hated Miss Erin. She had never been nominated for Teacher of the Month, and everyone despised her class. She was boring, strict, irritable, and way way way over organized. She's crossed the line from being a neat freak, to borderline OCD. I have this weird feeling that she absolutely hates teenagers.

You know I do sometimes ponder that. I mean, why go into teaching if you hate the students you'll be working with? If you hate little kids, then don't get a job as a kindergarten teacher! It seems simple to me, but it seems that every few years you just get one of those teachers who just really hates kids, and every single time I'm confused. Just-why?

"She's not that bad."

"Are you kidding me? She's awful. No one likes her and she teaches trigonometry. No one likes trigonometry."

"Okay, yes, she's that bad." He smiled at me in a weird sort of way. A look of silent adoration that made my cheeks feel red. "Um-I-I think we should get working on our project." He nodded and we got to work.

I caught him smiling at me a few more times. Matthias was great and all, and I loved him so, but something about his smile made me shrivel up inside and be unable to perform any action. All I could do was think about his stupid smiling face looming over me. I felt like a Disney princess gone wrong.

Any other girl would have dreamed for a guy to look at them the way, but something about Matthias looking at me like that-I just didn't feel comfortable at all. Maybe it's because I wasn't really up for any kind of serious relationship at only sixteen, or maybe it's because I really wanted him to do something like this, but now that it was actually happening I was unsure of how to act. I was honestly clueless, lost in the tangle of teenage romance.

My life sounds like a Taylor Swift song.

"Uh-what do you think of this design?" I pointed at one of the PowerPoint designs that everyone had seen at least a dozen times over.

"I like it." He flashed an iconic Matthias smile. It was reassuring, sympathetic, kind, and just a little bit cocky. Much like his personality, I thought.

"Really?" My voice wavered slightly. Why are you worried? What is wrong with you? I silently cursed my vocal chords before I continued on, "I'm not really that big on the color scheme. It's a little-" I made a gesture that kind of indicated an explosion. Fumbling over words? You always know just what to say!

You know, if you're own brain is mocking you, you should probably listen to it.

"Have I rendered Miss Lenson speechless? Is she unable to speak properly because of my nearness?" I really hate that he changes the way he speaks when I'm upset or irritated. Why does he have to be so good at speaking properly?

"Don't be stupid." I bit. Pull yourself together Lenson! "Everyone has issues sometimes, one of mine occurring while you're here is merely a coincidence." I matched his level of speech, trying to sound as arrogant and pompous as possible.

"Oh? A coincidence? Well, if that is the case then what will happen if I step closer?" He raised an eyebrow at me. My heart quickened. Please don't.

"Don't you dare." I hoped I sounded stern. If I did it obviously wasn't enough. Matthias took two steps closer to me. I was pinned against the dining room table. I had to think of something. I had to get out of his house. I wasn't afraid of him, and I wasn't nervous. I was anxious. Extremely anxious.

My mind raced with questions yet again. A year ago I had wondered whether or not I actually had some sort of anxiety disorder, but after checking the symptoms I had concluded my symptoms were not nearly severe enough to have an actual disorder. At that moment though, I felt ike I did.

A thought then appeared. It was stupid and ridiculous, but I thought that it might just be my only hope.

I stood on the tips of my toes and then grabbed at the fabric of his shirt, dragging his face down to mine. I hesitated for a moment, the reality of what I was doing finally sinking in. Luckily, Matthias knew exactly what I was originally planning on doing. He closed the small gap, pressing his lips gently to mine.

I swear my heart skipped a beat.

I was a little stunned at first. I stiffened at the sudden action. but then gently relaxed into it, my brain understanding what was actually going on. My heart fluttering my chest, and I suddenly understood what this actually meant.

This meant that Matthias loved me back. This meant that it was real. This was genuine love. And to a sixteen year old who had never had a boyfriend before, it was an incredible accomplishment.

He pulled back. His cheeks were bright red and suddenly he was unable to make eye contact with me.

"Have I made Mr.Carson, of all people, blush? Is it possible that he is embarrassed?" I mimicked the tone he had used with me a million times. He stood up straight at looked me in the eye.

"Can I say something?" he asked humbly, almost looking like a little kid.

"Of course."

"I have waited to do that since the first day of school." His cheeks flushed a brighter shade of red. I smiled at him gently.

"Did it meet up to standard?" He laughed lightly.

"I think that any pleasure we imagine is always better in real life, and this is no exception." I wrapped my arms around him, smiling against his chest.

We stayed like that for a moment or two, just taking in each others warmth, and soaking in the moment.

"It's getting kinda late. Can you drive me home?" I asked. He nodded.

Before our first kiss we had been comfortable. We were sticking in our comfort zone, treating each other like best friends and then calling it dating. It was nice, but after the kiss we settled into uncharted territory, and that was okay, because we werre doing it together. Matthias and I were together, we were happy, and that's all that we needed to know. If there was an obstacle we would face it.

One word bounced around in my head hat night as I laid in my bed:

Together.