Letters to the unknown

I thought I stopped thinking about you, yet I never did

Hi,

It's me

I'm fine now

Everything in my life is in position

I'm constantly taking healthy actions for my future

I always did

I always was fully functional, even when I was depressed

And I was for a long time

Funny thing about depression, sometimes you think you're out of it, even for months in row, but then you slowly creep into it again, by moments. It's not all bad. I generally have a good mood. Yet, somehow, I always come back to this void that absorbs everything. It absorbs even sadness too. Crazy, right? 

The thing is that, what I call depression, isn't sadness, per say. 

Depression to me is this constant numbness. It's a state when you don't care anymore about anything. Sometimes I feel like I'm victimizing myself, feeling like what I call "depression" is a too harsh term. Like I'm an entitled person playing with serious terms.

What I feel, though, whatever it is, is a state that I hurt from.

And not hurt by feeling hurt, but hurt by not feeling happy.

How do you escape nothingness?