Heart Attack

I know what you did last summer

I knew about Dick going after Barbara.

The times I had wanted to surprise him at Mount Justice had confirmed what my heart feared most. Of course, I would return home and cry until there were no more tears left—no one knew, and no one could know. It felt as though my heart was being torn apart by invisible hands, the thought of my beloved slipping away haunting me every waking moment. Was I clinging to nothing more than the memories of words he used to say?

I had seen them—pictures on his phone, Nightwing and Batgirl in moments I could not unsee. My green eyes had caught them by accident, but the truth had burned itself into me. Oh, I knew then… he was not coming home. Not to me.

It had begun last summer, and since then I had been surviving on his sweet but poisonous lies. I knew the story well. There is nothing like summer love—except when someone under stress meets someone beautiful, and hearts shift without warning. Trouble hung in the air; I could almost smell it.

“Tell me where you have been,” I would ask whenever he arrived home.

“On a mission, babe.”

He would lie, and I would pretend to believe him. But I always knew. Always.

Why would he not look into my eyes and see my pain? Why could he not understand that I would rather hear the truth—even if it shattered me—than drown in silence? Yet I could not let him go. I could not let go unless he told me himself that he no longer loved me.

Dick Grayson had been my savior, my mentor, my first love. Now, he was a stranger who no longer even wanted to hold me. We shared an apartment, yet even that did not seem to tether him to me anymore. Had Nightwing ever truly loved me? Had he forgotten the promise he made to me that first night in our new home? Perhaps he had. Perhaps I would never know.

I still cared for him when he came home exhausted—offering food, offering blankets, offering comfort. I hated seeing him so vulnerable, and I knew he needed rest far more than I did. But lately, this happened every other week.

I knew he was an honorable man… but I no longer knew if he was still my man.

When he arrived home one night, shoulders heavy and eyes dulled, I forced myself to smile. He did not see that it was false.

Do I still love him? Yes.

“Dick… we need to talk.”

“Kori, I’m tired.” He sounded so tired of me.

“This is urgent.”

“Fine.” He exhaled sharply.

“I was thinking about you. About us.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Why do I no longer see you so often?”

“I told you, babe—”

“No more lies. Please.”

“I stay late because I need to provide for us. You know you can’t work—your powers would draw attention.”

“But you must also live, Dick. Must we not share something? Even a single movie night on our sofa? Drinking rum and cola until sunrise?”

“Kori—” He rubbed his forehead. “I don’t have time for this.”

“All I ask is one minute—one moment of your time. We can hold hands as you work. We can solve our problems together!” My voice trembled; I was desperate.

But his eyes were dull. Where was the love that once lit them? Those eyes that had been my rainbow through the storm?

I could not tell him that I already knew the truth. I was never good at letting go.