Heart Attack

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

Dick. He was there again, standing under the moonlight. His shoulders were hunched, the weight of guilt so thick I could almost feel it from here, even though I was not truly there. He did not see me, of course — he never could — but my heart insisted on hiding anyway, crouched behind a tree pot as if that would spare me from his gaze that could not land on me. The moonlight turned his hair silver and his sorrow deeper. There had been a time when he and I stood together like this, sharing quiet nights with nothing but the stars and each other’s warmth, a hand brushing against mine, a laugh muffled against my hair, a kiss so soft I swore I could feel the earth spin slower. He had been warm then — warm but stiff, never fully letting me in.

I used to believe he trusted me as much as I trusted him. Now I am not so sure. Now, I know — painfully — that while I loved him, he only liked me.

It is strange, to still feel my chest twist at the sight of him. Jason and Tim would tell me, many times, that this is toxic. I hear their voices even now: He is not worth the pain, Kori. Perhaps they are right. Perhaps I am foolish. But even gone, even torn from that world into this one, I still love him. I still crave answers. I still wish he would say my name and mean it.

My throat aches. The words tumble out before I can stop them. “Dick.”

He doesn’t hear me, not really. He cannot. But he pauses, as though the wind itself carried my voice.

“Why did you do this to me?” My voice breaks, unrestrained. “Why did you ask me for distance, for time, only to run to her arms and then come back as if nothing happened? Why would you forbid me the same? Why am I never free?” I float closer, tears stinging my eyes. “I still love you. I should not — but I do. And it hurts.”

“Starfire…” he whispers. His voice cracks. “I’m sorry.”

“I do not want your apology!” I scream, fists clenching. “I want to know why! What did I do wrong? Why did I deserve this pain?”

His hands tremble at his sides. “I wish I could bring you back. You have no idea how sorry I am. Please… wherever you are… come back. I’ll leave her. I promise I still want you.”

“That is the mistake,” I sob, shaking my head. “I love you. And you only want me. You do not love me.” My voice splinters into the night. “I LOVE YOU!”

The world shatters. A scream — not mine — pierces the darkness. My eyes fly open, and the cold stone walls of Gotham vanish. I am back in the little house on Remnant, heart pounding, lungs heaving. The sound leads me to the room down the hall.

Jaune Arc sits upright on his bed, trembling violently, sweat matting his blond hair to his forehead. His breaths come in short gasps — not just fear, but grief. Pure, raw grief. I know this feeling.

“Jaune!” I rush to him, hovering to his side before my feet even touch the ground. He does not see me right away; he is lost in memory. My hands cradle his cheeks, my thumbs brushing damp skin as gently as I can. “It is okay. It is okay. Whatever it is, it cannot hurt you here. We are all here. You are safe.”

“She…” His voice cracks. “Oh gods. She’s gone.” He clutches at me, desperate, clinging like a drowning man. “Pyrrha Nikos… she sacrificed herself and I was useless. I couldn’t save her. She kissed me and locked me away and I was useless!”

Pyrrha. The name I have heard in whispers, in the tremble of his teammates’ voices. I tighten my hold, heart aching. “She did not think you useless,” I whisper.

“How would you know?!” He jerks back to glare at me through tears. “How could you possibly—”

“Because she loved you,” I say simply, firmly. “And love does not measure worth by survival. She did it because her heart told her so. She believed this was her fight, and protecting you was worth everything to her. Even if you could have fought beside her, even if you were strong — if you were harmed, even slightly, she would have believed it her fault. So she chose to keep you safe, even at the cost of herself. That is what love does.”