Amanda

The big disappointment

I didn't know that I'll love somebody as much as Scott , even if our story was impossible .

Of course it is , I'm in love with a guy who don't even know that I exist . It's so hard to me to deal with this but I was patient , waiting for a miracle to happen.

I was struggling on my own , it dosen't matter for some people , love's ballshit , but it matters for me !

All I wanted is to be noticed by the boy that I loved , I didn't lose hope but in the same time I was tired from thinking him day and night as I was afraid that he never notices me .

I was also afraid from my own expectations , what if we both graduate and each one of us go to study in a different university ?! , I think we will never meet again !

I decided to harry up in showing up my feelings , ready to handle the consequences of loving a stranger.

People fall in love with someone that they know , a childhood friend , a neighbor , a friend from work , even their boss at work or a teacher but me , I fell in love with a random guy that i barely knew.

The problem is that i felt things that i never felt before , he was always in my mind , I was ready to sacrifice for him , even losing my bestfriend Irene for him will be okay .

I was stupid to realize that I'm on the wrong way , following the wrong path of my heart . We all know that the heart always win the  battle with the brain, even if we wake up from our stupidity , it will be the end because we already followed our hearts .

So , I tried my best to find Scott's phone number then I texted him . I introduced myself , then I have written everything concerns my feelings into him .

I was sure that he'll never write me back . After two hours , I was surprised with his reply , he said that we should meet , I accepted immediately,  I felt so happy to the point that I jumped like a crazy girl with a big smile on my face.   Finally life stopped making fun of me , that step gave me more hope .

That day I weared my favourite beautiful red dress with high heels.  As I made a wonderful hairstyle and makeup. I considered it as a date so did what it takes to look gorgeous , I hoped that this helps to make him fall for me .

We met at night , in his car , I was shaking , I couldn't breathe and in the same time,  I couldn't believe that this is happening.

We greeted each other then silence took over the atmosphere . It was strange,  we were looking through the car's window as it was raining.

I started staring at him , looking deeply to his details even the tiniest ones , I loved his eye color , they were so brown , whenever I look at those eyes , my heart melts .

After moment of silence,  he breaked the silence and said that he red my message and that he's glad that I finally told him about my honest feelings.

I felt shy , but this didn't stop me from smiling , then I asked him if we will get in a relationship or what , i had the courage to say that , I have  the right to know what will happen . He told me that he has a girlfriend and that he doesn't mind to be in a secret relationship with me.

That moment , I was surprised and disappointed , I didn't know what to say , but I came with the conclusion that he's trying to use me , If he's interested in me, I think  he'll give up on his girlfriend and start a new love story with me , I think he has to choose between us not to date two girls in the same time , that's shameful .

I told him what exactly was I was thinking about then I blamed him . He got intense and said that he's not going to leave his girlfriend and that I'm the one who wanted to be with him as he called me stalker,  that was embarrassing as I looked like the guilty one,  guilty for loving him that made him nasty about .

He's words break my heart , it broked all of me actually , that moment I realized that I was wrong about him and he's not worth it , my love was given to the wrong person that didn't appreciate me or love me back.

All what he wanted is to use me then leave me , it was all clear for me but he said it with a way that will make me feel that he's doing the right thing for both of us. The the truth is that he's a jerk who's feeling proud of himself.

Boys become arrogant once a girl fall in love with them and tries her best to be with them , once they become sure of it , they turn up into players and heartbreakers.

It was hard for me to be the rejected girl , and it's also hard to accept my situation and move on.

It was weird , the whole story was , he still a stranger but my feelings didn't change , I still dream of these imaginary thoughts , as I tried  to convince myself that he's going to love me back someday but this will never happen.