sacchariferous || haikyu x reader

i've got you || azumane asahi

"I'm gonna do my best today!!" You proclaimed to yourself for the millionth time today, as you and your boyfriend walked to the venue of your competition.

"Yes, yes, I'm sure you will," Asahi grins at you reassureadly. Warmth builds in your heart and you feel like that hollow mantra you'd been muttering to yourself again and again only came true when he believed in you. Your smile stretches from ear to ear as you finally push open the double doors to venue.

You walk around dazedly for a minute, sizing up your possible competition. Your confidence feels shaken - there are so, so many other athletes that you feel, no, know are better than you. Everything's crashing down on you in a single instant. Your fingers are tingling. Your heart's dropped to your shoes, and you feel like you're glued to where you're standing. You feel like a million different eyes are on you right now, sizing you up and seeing through your very being. The world's spinning, your heart pounding a million miles a minute, you can't breathe, and you wish it would just stop--

"Hey, are you okay?"

It stopped.

You're snapped back to your senses, though dread and anxiety still course through your veins.

"Are you okay, [name]?" Your savior asked once more. You stared through him, finding your voice.

"Ah! Oh, um, yeah. Of course I am! I just zoned out a little, that's all. Nothing to worry about!" You smiled, the brightness slowly returning to your eyes.

Asahi's brow furrowed a little, but he chose to believe you anyway. "Then, let's go find a spot to warm up, yeah?"

"Right! I think my coach is over there. I'm going to leave my stuff there too," You said, skipping over to join your team.

Asahi watched your retreating figure.

Something isn't right.

He knows that look in your eyes. It's the same one he had before.

------

Asahi sat on the edge of his seat. He watched you go! To him, you were totally killing it! He cheered and yelled praises, breaking his quiet persona to cheer just for you.

"Go [name]!! You're doing great!" He yelled from the bleachers.

You beamed, meeting his gaze for a second before turning your attention back to the action. You pushed yourself a little harder, to keep going a little further; but it seemed as time stretched on it keeps becoming more and more of an uphill battle. The slope getting steeper and steeper. You feel yourself wearing down, getting more and more tired.

Soon, you couldn't hear it anymore. You couldn't hear his voice. The pounding of your heart drowned out everything else. The rest of the event was hazy to you - the next thing you know, is that everything is over.

And that you lost.

"It's okay, [name], you did your best,"

"You did good out there!"

"Good game!"

Your teammates' efforts to console you were to no avail. Sure, you smiled and thanked them for it. But that didn't mean that their words reached you. All that mattered is that you lost, your best is never enough, you're a failure, and you betrayed everyone who put their trust in you. You felt your eyes become glassy, the tears on the brink of falling.

But you can't cry.

You have to be strong. You have to bear it, because it's your fault anyway. And you can't be weak. Because weak people are useless. And if you're useless, people will leave you. Asahi will leave you.

Asahi rushed down to meet you. He knew it all along. You were blaming yourself again. He saw it in the way you moved, your fake smile, and your crestfallen eyes - and he knew you needed him.

He followed you silently to the secluded space you chose to hide yourself in. He walked slowly toward your hunched over back.

"Hey," He whispered, closing the gap between you and him. You felt his big arms around you, and the tears you were so desperately trying to hold in came gushing out. You body shook with the force of your sobs. He said nothing, and only held you tighter.

After a few minutes of silence, he finally spoke. "What's wrong? You can tell me anything,"

"I-I just... I let- I let everyone d-down," You confessed shakily. "E-everyone-- everyone was-was counting on me, and I-- and I mes- messed up, and I'm so useless-- ,"

He stopped you and looked at your bloodshot eyes. "Don't blame yourself so much, [name]. You know I used to do that too, right? I think I still do sometimes,"

You sniffed and nodded, wiping your tears away.

"That fear of screwing it up was paralyzing - I stopped playing volleyball for months because of it. But I put it all behind me. Not on my own, of course. I had my team to help me. And you have me to help you. And, well, if a big scaredy cat like me can do it, then, a strong, persistent person like you can surely do it too," He whispered, gently smoothing the flyaway hairs with his thumb. You buried your face in his chest once more, savoring his warmth.

"It's okay to be critical of yourself. That's what drives you to do better. But at the end of the day, you have to forgive yourself, okay? Even if you feel like you can't, I'll always be here to help you. I've got you, you've got me. We have each other," Asahi finished.

You finally released the vice grip you had on his shirt and looked him in the eyes. Then came the tears.

"U-uweh?! I didn't say anything bad, did I?!" Asahi panicked, arms flailing up and down.

You smiled.

"No, you big dummy.. You just told me what I needed to hear, is all..." You whispered, moving your face closer to his. Tiptoeing because he's so darn tall. "And this is thank you." You finished, placing your lips on his.

You forgot everything in that moment you shared a sweet kiss with your gentle giant of a boyfriend. All that self-hatred, fear, and regret replaced with love, acceptance, and completeness. And you know that from then on, you won't have to be so hard on yourself anymore. Because Asahi's got you. And you've got him.