Unlovable

Haiden

Her scent surrounds me every time she's near me and I can't shake the feeling that if I let her close I'll never be able to push her away. My world is so fucked up. I don't want to taint her seemingly perfect one. Her smile is infectious and even though I'm keeping my distance and trying my damn hardest to stay away from her, I can't help but smile when I catch her grinning out of the corner of my eye at something my best friend has said.

Tank deserves someone who makes him smile like she does.. it's been a long time since he's smiled the way he does at Gabby. He constantly talks about her when we're away from her and constantly talks to her when he's within earshot distance from her. It's almost exhausting, even for me. He's like a love-sick puppy. He drinks in her every word like he needs them as much as the human body needs water and air. And maybe he does.

Tank lost his whole family to a house fire a little over two years ago and the only reason he didn't get caught in it too is because we were out partying that night. I don't think he will ever forgive himself for that. While his family was engulfed in flames, we were drunker than skunks trying to find a piece of ass to fulfill our teenage hormonal desires. The police couldn't get ahold of him because we had both left our phones in our car, so by the time we heard his house was engulfed in flames and what was left of his family was rushed to the hospital, it was too late. I can't imagine the pain he feels everyday.

He hasn't partied since, and he doesn't have any family left so he currently lives with me and mine. We share a bedroom which is kind of a pain in the ass cuz I have absolutely no privacy ever anymore. And he snores like a freight train so I don't get a whole lot of sleep either. Tank and I are laying in our separate beds across the room from each other when he clears his throat like there is something on his mind.

"Hey man, what the hell has got your head up your ass?" Tank questions with a concerned look plastered across his face.

"Nothing." I shrug "Have you fucked Gabby and gotten her outta your system yet?" I growl. The sarcasm dripping from my lips seems to go right over his head and he shoots me a glare.

"You know she's more than that to me. I just don't know that I'll ever be more than a friend to her. She doesn't see me like that." He replies with a solemn look dripping from his features.

I let it go because I seem to have upset him and I don't want to start a fight right now. I know that she means a lot to him and I don't even know why because they really haven't known each other that long. And I hope to God that if he really feels about her the way I think he does that I can smother the flames of the feelings this girl gives me. Bro's before hoes and all that shit. I am not about to wreck our life long friendship over some chick who makes my dick twitch, almost painfully, might I add.. and heart hammer, so loud that I can't hear anything but the drum in my ears.

Tank and I have been friends since the day we were born. Our moms gave birth in the same hospital and we were almost switched at birth. (Yeah we look that alike, it's almost creepy.) So he's more of a brother than a friend. And I wouldn't ever intentionally hurt him. Even though sometimes I wanna cave his skull in for how fucking stupid he can be.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out to check who it is because no one usually texts me at this time of the night unless they're looking to hook up. I could use a good shag to get Gabby off my mind. I'm tired of thinking about her to be honest. She never leaves my mind because if for a second she does, Tank ends up bringing her up and she's planted right back in there like a bad seed.

EMILY: Hey, wanna come over? My parents are gone and I'm allll alone. 😉

Emily always texts me when she's alone and horny and I really don't mind cuz she's a great lay but I know she wants more than what I can give her so I really shouldn't go over there.. but I'm desperate for an escape from my mind and a release. So I text her back.

ME: b there in 5. b ready.

I throw on my coat, slip on my shoes and grab my keys off the night stand.

"Where are you rushing off to?" Tank questions.

"To get my dick sucked, I'll see you later." I throw back.

And boy was I right. She gave me the best fucking head and we must've fucked for at least 2 hours straight but I was wrong about one thing. Gabby never left my mind and when I came I almost yelled out her name. Boy would that have fucked things up for me and my not so small friend in my pants.