15 days and 15 letters » m.c.

« day one »

I'll start apologying, alright? But there are a few more notes at the end of the chapter. I think you'll forgive me for not publishing because we were all too caught up on voting. That's why. I didn't even sleep more than two hours last weekend because of voting let alone have time to finish up the chapter. And well, during the week is pratically impossible to write more than two paragraphs (let's not even talk about the fact that I couldn't choose a song to put).

I opened my eyes as slowly as possible, kind of afraid of what I would find. It was either hell or heaven and judging by how I died, things wouldn’t be pretty for me. What I didn’t expect to happen was a wave of artificial light breaking into my eyes and making them close again immediately.

I took long breathes, feeling someone in the room, someone that smelt familiar and exactly the smell I missed as fuck. Then I tried opening my eyes again, blinking once, twice, even six times before finally getting used to all the white and all the lights in the place, but it still hurt. There was a tall boy with his back turned to me whilst he stared at the corridor outside.

Luke.

My giraffe. He was there and I could only think that yeah, I probably died. “Luke?”

He slowly turned to face me and I swear I saw tears in his eyes. Luke ran towards the bed and hugged me only letting go when I whined in pain. “First of all, fuck you Cassandra! Fuck you. Never do this to me again, right? Never.” My brother hissed, hugging me more carefully

I was mute because I could feel his tears falling on my shoulder and going down  my back. He sobbed loudly making me wrap my arms around his neck loosely like I used to do when we were small kids and I tripped cutting my knee or something similar; Luke would take me in his skinny, weak, child arms and I would hold on his neck, even if it wasn’t helping us at all.

Fifteen minutes later, when my mum came in, we broke away and Luke went outside, still crying quietly. She was staring at me like she had just seen a ghost, her skin was paler than normal as if she was sick, her hair was messy and her soul looked tired.

“I knew you weren’t okay. I knew it.” Mum said, curling her arms around my body and brushing one of them in my hair. “B-but you refused to tell me, Cas.” She cried out and I felt a thousand times worse. I had hurt two of the most important people in my life because of that stupid feelings of loneliness and sadness.

“It’s okay now, Mum. Promise you.” The pain was still there, though. The pain that was something like being stabbed with a rock in the heart and the voice that kept calling me to do something and end with the amount of shit I represent.

Mum narrowed her eyes down at me, giving me a doubtful look. "I'm afraid you're not. I think we should try to get you professional help, sweetie." Her right hand gently played my hair which I replied with a deep, loud sigh.

"I'm okay now, Mum." I gave her the best smile I could with that pounding headache. "Don't worry, I just- It was a moment of weakness, right?" My hands, including the left one that had a tube connect to it, reached her hands and I gave them a light squeeze. 

"No, it's not right. You're not weak, Cassandra. You've been holding on for too long and I know that, I should've done something before but I never thought you would-" Mum's speech was cut off by her own loud sobs.

"It's not you fault, fine?" I pulled her for a hug and rested my head onto her shoulder. "I'm alright now." I whispered.

Flashs of Jonah laughing at me along the others. People telling me around school how much of a whore I was.The awfully dirty pick up lines and abuse guys would always do, maybe even ask me if I wanted a quickie in the janitor's room.Memories of the day when all of my boys had left me alone here.