Heartbeat (Completed)

Chapter: Nine

Bucky stared wide eyed at the man who was blue lipped before him. A small slip of paper laid on the table, a testament to what the man had done. Tears were threading down Bucky's cheeks as he stood frozen on the spot. Never in a million years had he thought his father would be capable of taking his own life. 

Bucky was no fool - he knew they were in trouble financially. He knew that his father was stressed, but he didn't know it was that bad. He had been giving all his wages to his Mama, and they had managed to keep afloat somehow. But now...

He had to do something before his family came home and saw. He didn't want the boys to see, he didn't want his Mama to have to deal with this. Carefully, he climbed up on a chair, reaching for the rope that held his father's weight. His fingers shook, but he managed to untie the knot. He couldn't help the choked up sound that escaped him as he lowered his dead weight to the floor. 

"You bastard! You coward!" Bucky yelled, pummeling his father's chest as he knelt over him. "How could you? How could you do this to Mama? To Becky and Beth? To Ian, Robbie, Tommy and Teddy? Huh? How could you do this to me? I tried! I tried to help, I did my best to be what you couldn't. But I'm not enough. I can't make enough to support them! How could you leave us? Was it not enough that you were never there? That you beat me? That you hurt Mama? Was it not enough that you wasted your money, that you were a disgrace to us? Wasn't it enough that you weren't the father that you were supposed to be?"

His voice faltered as his sobs cut him off. All the bitter resentment, the anger, the disappointment, the utter despair that Bucky had tucked away, came flowing out. He couldn't stop it now that there was no reason for him to hold back. He kicked, he screamed, he cried, he paced the room, trying to figure out what to do. 

Eventually, he dragged his father to the woodshed, deciding to deal with the body and all that quietly. He'd get the police and everybody, cautioning them to be quiet so he could break the news to his family gently. He left a note for his Mama and siblings telling them that he had to deal with something important, but he should be home for supper. Then he went to the police, telling them what he had found, that he moved the body, that he wanted it kept quiet. 

They took the body, promising that they would let him deal with his family as he wished. They would have to examine the body, but they weren't surprised that he ended his life. They knew what kind of man he was, and the rope burn was pretty evident. It seemed cut and dry.

"Keep your chin up, lad," Neil Brady sighed, squeezing Bucky's shoulder. "I know it's rough right now, but it'll get better. I promise, it will."

Bucky nodded his head, lips set in a grim line, preparing himself for the task ahead. The police left with the body, and he was left alone in his house once more. He couldn't help but review the letter his father left them once more.

This was the only way out. If you knew, if you understood, you wouldn't blame me. I just couldn't live this way anymore. 

Bucky bit his lip, tired of the burning of his eyes. He was pathetic, he was weak. He couldn't afford this. He had to be strong. He had to be better than this. He had to be the man of the house now, there was nobody else to take the role anymore. 

With a sinking heart, he watched Becky and Beth walking up the sidewalk, Ian and Robbie's hands clasped in theirs. He watched his sisters curls bounce, soaked up the sound of their laughter, noticing their happy faces...he was going to take that away. His hands dove into his curls, helplessness filling his chest. 

His Mama was on the porch, the twins clutching her dress in their chubby hands. 

"James!" his Mama exclaimed, smiling. "How was your day?"