Bitches and Jerks

Before Me Prt. 1

Nayla's Journal

(Before her Mister K smoke her heart away)

Dear Caden....

Your smooth fingertips sent small sparks as it created a friction on my skin. I loved how you made contact with me so casually like the sunrays that played with my complexion. Your enthusiasm, your essence, your existence, were everything to me, and I knew that my heart would not easily dispose you, since you left a mark...and a scar was undeniable.

I met you in the first day of school, we were second year that time. I remembered that you were silent in your seat as you felt uncomfortable with everyone all around you. I knew that feeling...feeling of unfamiliarity crawling on your skin, as if it would take you to a den of awkwardness. I gave you a friendly smile to ease things up for you...and happily, you reflected it with a warm shy smirk. Since that moment, I knew we could be good friends.

I was just a girl, enjoying a wider perspective of my imagination, taking leisure on music and arts. But you...the girl who suddenly appeared like an angel from heaven, made everything so surreal to me. You were a being that was so much more than a music which gave euphoric touch on my ears, since you were the rhapsody itself that brought life to songs. You were the salient design of every stroke that created a story behind the beautiful magnum opus of a painting and a model served to artist to behold. You were such a magnificent piece. Even Picasso or Leonardo Da Vinci could not imitate your peculiar but aesthetic fair. It was enough to send me down the edge...down the aperture of sentimentality where the diversity of passion was aflame.

Caden, a perfect name for a perfect girl. If only you knew the power you held over me, you would feel like a goddess, for I, a mere mortal had fallen into your charm and grace, and had chosen to be your devoted priestess. I knew I sounded mad, but please do not think of me as crude for I was only madly in love...secretly loving you.

Call me a Shakespearean or Old-school, I do not care. But she was the reason why I viewed life to be not that hard at all, where I realized that it was only imitating art. And as an artist, I must take on the challenge of understanding such mozaic craft and be inspired to continue painting the journey ahead.

I loved you before and until now. I was scared to admit it to myself and to you...scared that you would not understand and be mutual to me. So, I let it pass and denied its very existence in my heart, thinking it was best to let it go. However, I could not run away from every moment with you. It all seemed like a prison break. It's hard to escape the confinement of my feelings when it all ever said was to stay with you even if I knew that I was not sure of having you.

As the time went by, I earned the courage to confess to you and happily you accepted it and there goes the unfathomable journey ahead of us. At first I was so stunned that you agreed to have my love...that you returned it with open arms. It was so unbelievable...so strange. I wondered why you had fallen for me when I was just a nobody...and you, a star that shone so brightly in the darkest night. It seemed impossible. There's only one thing I could decipher out of it...that it was a miracle.

We spent our days mingling with each other, carving our names to a tree that could live a hundred years, talking about our past till we ran out of breath, dancing on the rain while listening to the song of Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi, our mutually favorite band, and seeing the luminous sunset by the beach. It's like spending some time with a half of me...the fact that we were so alike, so privy....it made me think that I finally found my soulmate.

And because I loved you so much, I didn't want you to be kept as a secret forever, so I did something risky....confessing to my family that I had fallen in love in the most unusual way. Of course they were stunned, yelled at me and was disappointed...like how come the only girl of their 3 children came out to be this way?

Caden held my hand tightly as we both stood in front of my raging parents. She gave me a glance which assured me that it was gonna be okey and that "I'm just here. Don't worry..."

I gave up my life to shame that day when my own blood almost disowned me. But I did not mind going that far. What's important was being able to express my love to her and be free from these restrains that were holding me back. Everything that I did was for her...that's how I loved her.

Nayla.