Dust ✔️

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Reputation

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Reputation

I didn't like to talk about her often. Many people didn't realize she was a missing piece, probably because there were so many holes in my life, it was hard to pick what each one was.

My favorite game to play when it came to her, was to play pretend. I pretended that she didn't affect me how she did, I pretended she was never in my life to begin with, I pretended I had no memory of her even though I truly did. I hid everything away in the deepest pits of my own mind, to keep people from seeing my suffering.

I became rather good at it too.

That's why when it came to the time of year where I'd think about her the most, I made sure to refocus my mind on absolutely anything else to keep people from being suspicious. It was easier when I was high.

The one thing that I didn't realize I'd have to come to terms with was a person who didn't let me hide my emotions like I desperately begged to. Tyler was easy, he knew the times where it was best to leave me be, and he knew the times where it was appropriate to not ask me questions. He respected my insanity.

My beautiful girlfriend, was the complete opposite. What's worse was that she seemed to know me better than my own best friend these days. It was disturbingly terrifying.

All morning, I stayed in my room. I contemplated playing piano to take my mind off things, I contemplated picking up my dusty guitar, I contemplated drugs, but I decided against all of them.

I continued pacing inside my room, unsure what to do with myself. I hated today. How desperately did I want to keep still but my body decided against it, willing me to constantly move, as if it was frantically trying to release the pain in my body.

I wanted to have another smoke, but I already ate about nine of them today. I'd probably finish the whole pack, if not two by the time this day was over. I sighed and finally sat down on my bed and rested my head in my hands. My legs continued to jitter. I felt sick.

I didn't even hear the knock on my door; She didn't seem to do that often anymore.

"Eli?" Did she ever have an angelic tone to her.

"Hey," I lifted my head finally and plastered a smile. I did my best, but I knew it was weak.

Aria walked up to me, cautious. "Are you okay?"

"Just an off day, is all," I said, a poor attempt to change the subject. Sometimes it frustrated me that I couldn't mask myself as well around her anymore.

"Why is that?" She asked and crouched down in front of me, her face now below mine.

I gave a one sided smile. "So many questions," I quietly replied.

Her hands found their way to my knees, her smile was warm. "So many barriers," She countered. She stood up suddenly and started walking around my room. A soft sigh followed by a hum came out of her mouth. "That's okay," She decided. "I can always figure it out on my own."

I lifted my head and let my eyes follow her wandering body around my room. She had a way to amuse me easily even in the darkness. But I will admit, her poking around was making me nervous.

She walked over to my stereo and tapped the black plastic. "Perhaps writers block?"

I remained quiet.

She walked over to my desk that was scattered with various scribbled papers. She lifted one up and investigated my writing. I used to hate that. "Seems like you have plenty of words to write."