Aminan Challenge
It was 2 minutes before the class started. Nagmamadali akong tumakbo sa hallway. I sigh in relief when I saw that our teacher was not yet here. Before I was able to go on my assigned seat, someone caught my attention. It was Charles with his friends. He's laughing about a certain topic which I can't relate. Ang gandang bungad sa umaga. It was his smile that made my day complete.
I have no idea when this feeling started. Maybe it's because of my friend's influence dahil panay sila asar sa'kin about sa kanya. Or maybe because of his good qualities. He's not just smart but also kind. It's still clear to me the moment he comforted me during that time that I'm crying. Napagalitan kasi kami ng mga kaibigan ko dahil naglagay kami ng kung ano anong kalokohan sa locker ng mga kaklase ko. Actually, I'm the only one who did that. Mae and Jane just covered that mess for me. Ang boring kasi kaya naisip ko 'yon. My teacher got mad. She told us that we're already on our 11th grade yet we're still acting like a child. I felt sorry for my two friends. Nadamay pa sila sa kalokohan ko.
Umiyak ako ng time na 'yon. Charles comforted me. Nilibre nya ako at pagkatapos ay sinabayan pang umuwi. No one knew about my feelings for him. Wala akong ibang pinagsabihan. Kahit na gusto ko sya, never ko 'yong sasabihin sa kanya. I have my reasons.
"Charles, pahiram ng libro." wika ko. Sumulyap naman s'ya sa'kin bago inihagis yung librong hawak n'ya. Mabuti na lang marunong akong sumalo. Siya lang naman 'yong hindi.
"Hindi 'to yung isa. Yung comic book." inihagis ko din sa kanya yung librong bigay n'ya. Hindi n'ya ito nasalo kaya nahulog. Mahina akong natawa.
"Shit," rinig kong mura n'ya at pagkatapos ay may kinuhang libro sa bag bago iyon itinaas.
"Abutin mo," nang aasar na wika n'ya. At dahil hindi naman ako matangkad, kahit ilang beses akong tumalon ay hindi ko 'yon makuha.
"Akina kasi." panay reklamo ko.
"Abutin mo. Pag nakuha mo sa'yo na." natatawang wika n'ya. Tumagal kami ng ilang minuto sa pag aasaran bago n'ya mahinang hinampas sa ulo ko yung libro. Kaliwa't kanang sana all naman yung naririnig ko mula sa mga kaklase ko.
"Ang liit mo." bulong n'ya sa akin. Tawa pa din s'ya ng tawa habang tumatakbo palayo sa akin. Napakabully talaga.
Hindi ko alam kung may nakakahalata na ba na crush ko s'ya. We're actually close. Hindi ako yung tipo ng babaeng kinakabahan or nagiging anxious pag kaharap yung crush nila. I'm very different.
"Rein ano ba! Busy ako." umirap sa'kin si Mae dahil abala ito sa pagsusulat.
"Samahan mo na kasi ako." pangungulit ko. Kanina pa kasi akong nagugutom. Ipinulupot ko yung kamay ko sa braso nya pero tinabig n'ya lang ako.
"Tatapusin ko lang 'to." sagot n"ya.
"Bahala ka! Ang damot mo." reklamo ko bago ako umalis sa tabi n'ya.
"You need to change your attitude, Rein. Paano kung hindi mo kami naging kaibigan? Wala sigurong tatagal dyan sa pagiging immature at pagkachildish mo."
Hindi ko na lang pinansin yung sinabi ng kaibigan ko sa halip sumulyap na lang ulit ako kay Charles.
I was able to know his ideal girl during one of our activity. Our teacher asked him kung ano yung tipo n'ya sa babae.
"I like girls who's smart and mature." tipid nyang wika. Kinilig naman yung iba kong kaklaseng babae dahil sa sinabi n'ya.
I am a consistent honor student since when I was in elementary but my friends and family says that I'm very immature. I'm not good at handling situations. Sobrang childish ko kumilos, sobrang clingy at madalas walang sense kausap. I guess, I was not his ideal type.
It was Friday morning. I'm busy reading a book dahil vacant hour namin ngayon. Hinanap ng mga mata ko si Charles. He's smiling and laughing again. Nakakabuo talaga ng araw everytime na nakikita ko s'yang ganito kasaya.
"Charles, una na kami. Sana mahold up ka sa daan. " pabiro kong sabi habang natatawa ng minsang ginabi ulit kami ng uwi dahil sa paggawa ng project.
"Ingat ka." that was only 2 words but it brought different feeling to me. I don't know why it's very big deal the moment he said those. Charles is never been like that. Sa tuwing ginagabi kami ng uwi palagi n'yang sinasabi na sana makuha ako ng puting van or kung ano ano but this time, iba yung sinabi n'ya. Nakakapanibago tuloy. Pakiramdam ko ang sama ko sa part na nagbiro pa ako ng gan'on sa kanya.
Nang mga sumunod na araw, hindi ko alam kung bakit biglang may nag iba. I often stare at nowhere thinking about him. Walang gabi na hindi ko s'ya naiisip.
I like his voice when he's singing though, hindi gan'on kaganda boses nya. Madalas kong sinasabi sa kanya na huwag na lang syang kumanta dahil nakakahiya na. But that was the opposite. I always want him near me. I always want him to be beside me. One time, I caught him staring at me and that gave me hopes na baka pwede. Na baka gusto din n'ya ako. Paano kung naghihintayan lang pala kaming dalawa?
I always stalked his twitter account. I hate to deny this but yes, I assumed that all of his tweets were about me.
As months passed by, akala ko simpleng pagkagusto lang 'yon sa kanya pero hindi ko naman inasahan na mas lalo pa pala 'yong lalala. I often caught him smiling whenever he's holding his phone and I wonder if he's chatting someone or what. Madalas akong mawala sa mood kapag nakikita ko s'yang may kausap or kasamang iba. I don't know if it's a sign of jealousy even if I don't have the right to feel about it. Kasi unang una, wala namang kami. I am just his friend. Nothing more.
Ang bilis ng araw, hindi ko namalayan na december na pala. 2019 was about to end but I still want him to be part of my 2020.
"Okay! Let's do the aminan challenge. Since 2019 was about to end, I dare all of you to confess to your crush and let's see what happens." wika ng kaibigan naming si Mae. We all agreed sa kanyang katuwaan kahit na nagdadalawang isip pa ako. Mae told me na baka gusto din ako ni Charles kaya mas lalo akong umasa.
I don't know where I get the courage to confess to him tomorrow. Sasabihin ko na lahat. This is the very first time that I'll be doing it. Ma-pride akong tao pero nagbago lahat ng 'yon ng makilala ko s'ya.
I still remember the time na nag away kami ni Charles. Sobrang nagalit ako kasi masakit yung ginawa n'ya. Pero hindi man lang lumipas ang buong araw na hindi kami nagkaayos. Ako yung nagbaba ng pride. He never say sorry but I'm the one who just acted like nothing happens. The reason is, I don't want to loose him that's why I disregarded my pride just for the sake of our friendship.
The day after, I confessed. I told him everything througb chat because I don't have the courage to tell him personally.
Charles, matagal na akong may gusto sayo. Hindi ko alam kung kailan nagsimula. Basta ang alam ko, masaya ako pag nakikita kita. I felt a little bit jealous when you're with someone else. I just want to say, merry christmas, Charles. Please, sana part ka pa din ng 2020 ko.
But do you know what happened? He rejected me. He told me that our feelings wasn't mutual. Umasa lang pala ako.
"Nakakaproud ka, Rein. Not all people are brave enough to face rejections. Atleast you told him about your feelings right?" my friend adviced. But still, I can't deny the fact that I somewhat regret what I did. Because of that confession, parang bulang naglaho yung closeness naming dalawa. We promised na walang ilangang magaganap pero ako na mismo yung nakaramdam na hindi ako komportable. Not all rejections has good effects. Because of what I did, I lost him.
"You grew up, Rein. I never thought that you're more mature than us." Jane commented. Napangiti naman ako. Naalala ko noon na halos mainis na sila sa'kin ni Mae dahil sobrang imma at toxic ng attitude ko.
"Paano mo nasabi?" pabirong sabi ko habang sinusubukang ngumiti.
"You're brave enough to face rejections. You accepted his decision. You are happy for him even if he's happy with someone else. Acceptance is a sign of maturity, Rein."
Napangiti na lang ako kahit masakit. Three days after my confession to Charles, I met his girlfriend. They're actually cute together so I just decided to be happy for them too.
