Attachment Is Forbidden

4. Interesting Delusions

OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN exchanged another look, this one horrified. How did the Jedi Council know? Or was it just these two?

"Don't worry," Mace said, noticing their look. "We're not mad."

"...You're not?" Anakin asked, surprise evident in his tone. 

"No." It was Yoda who spoke this time. "Changing the Jedi Code, we are. Allowed, now, love and relationsips are."

"Really?" Obi-Wan was shocked. "No one's amended the Jedi Code in over eight centuries. I mean, I'm not exactly complaining --" and he gave Anakin's hand a gentle squeeze behind his back -- "but it's a little shocking."

"We know," Mace said. "That's why we thought we'd tell you two first. In all honesty, you two aren't the best at hiding your relationship. Yoda and I both noticed a while ago."

Obi-Wan and Anakin both blushed. Mace continued with a smirk, "Don't worry, no one else has noticed."

"We told Ahsoka," Anakin said, "but aside from her only you two know, apparently."

"Don't worry about it," Mace said for the third time that evening. "In actuality...I myself fell in love with someone."

Obi-Wan was surprised at this, and a quick glance at Anakin told him his lover felt the same. Mace Windu, in love with someone? Obi-Wan found this laughable, or at least he would have if Mace hadn't looked so serious and hadn't just told them of the changes to the Jedi Code.

"Do you mind if we ask who?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Well," grumbled Mace, though there was a laughing gleam in his dark eyes, "I suppose you just did, so what's the point of asking now?"

Yoda chuckled from where he sat on one of the meditation couches, and soon enough Anakin and Obi-Wan were laughing, too. Even Mace cracked a smile, a rare occurrence in any case. 

"Who did you fall for, though?" Anakin asked once their laughter had subsided. "Obviously you don't have to tell us if you don't want to -- you are one of the most respected Jedi Masters in the Order, after all."

Mace looked a little uncomfortable. "I fell in love with...Qui-Gon," he admitted. "A long time ago. I only realized it after he was gone, of course, but..."

If the news about changing the Jedi Code to allow relationships had stunned them, the news that Mace was in love with Qui-Gon doubled that effect. Obi-Wan couldn't believe it...

Wait, yes he could. The two of them had been friends for as long as Obi-Wan could remember, and he'd noticed on more than one occasion his master walking a little too close to Mace when they were together. It had been small signs -- a light, "accidental" touch here, a loving look in Qui-Gon's eyes there. Obi-Wan had never questioned it, putting it down to the fact that they were as close as brothers. Apparently, both of their feelings had run deeper than that.

But, no matter how much Qui-Gon disobeyed the Code, he would always uphold the one aspect of it that all Jedi were held accountable for -- the forbidden relationships. So would Mace. Neither of them would have ever admitted their feelings, and before they could, Qui-Gon had died. Obi-Wan knew where the pain in Mace's voice as he spoke Qui-Gon's name came from. He still had nightmares about Qui-Gon's death.

"Wow," Anakin broke the silence. "I'm sorry, Mace. If we'd known..."

"You'd've thought me a fool," Mace said. "You'd never have asked."

"Thought you a fool, we would not," Yoda said firmly. "Uncontrollable who we fall for, it is. When pass away, that love does, hold onto that pain and grief, we do. Human nature, it is. Even aliens like myself, control it we cannot. Accept it, use it, we can."

"You always were the wisest head among us, Yoda," Mace said with a sad smile. "Thank you."

Yoda nodded and fell silent again.

"For the record," Obi-Wan said, "I still miss him, too. I still have nightmares...I was there when he died, I still feel like I should have done more, been a little quicker. If I hadn't gotten trapped by the laser wall defense system, I may have been able to save him."

"Or you may have died with him," Anakin pointed out. "Maul was a fearsome opponent, and you were still an apprentice yourself. You couldn't have done anything."

"It's no use beating ourselves up about it now," Mace said. "He's dead, he's gone. We can't do anything about it now; there's no such thing as time travel, after all."

Yes, Obi-Wan thought. It's time to accept that Qui-Gon is dead and move on. I've held onto this for so long...

"I may not be as gone as you think," said a familiar voice out fo the growing shadows. 

Obi-Wan, Anakin, Mace, and Yoda whipped around. Obi-Wan had sensed something a little off about the room, but this was beyond what he sensed. 

And a ghost walked out of the shadows.

Qui-Gon.

-/-/-/-/-/

To quote Loki: "Ta-daaa!!" Guess who? Hehehe, I'm definitely evil.

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~R.A. Starkiller