Illusive

Chapter Fourteen

My foot gets heavier on the pedal, the truck accelerating as I swerve around the corners. My heart beats loud and I can hear it in my chest, loudest in my ears.

I slam my door shut and my shoes crunch the gravel beneath my feet as I get out of my truck in the dark parking lot next to the trail.

My feet pound the ground and all I can think about is Sky. She said she'll always be here. She captivates my mind, she puzzles every corner in my brain.

I've fallen in love with this girl but she hasn't told me anything about herself. How have I? Is it the way she speaks, perplexing me with every sentence -- every question to roll out of her mouth? Is it the captivating looks of her sky blue eyes? Is it her mysterious demeanour and her ability to keep me wanting to know, and just wanting to hear more of everything she says? Is it the way her long and wavy black hair protects her mind and makes me think much harder to find out the true meanings of her questions? Or maybe it's the way every single aspect of her beauty and her personality that leaves me constantly wanting more and more.

I close my eyes and rub them hard. I shake my head gently while doing so as I hear my footsteps echo with purpose in the lonely trail.

I walk across the small bridge and look onto the river as it flows so beautifully. Moonlight glistens across the top of the lake until it reaches the dull shore. The dark blue waves ceases my movement and captivates my thoughts.

I feel calm and as if my anger had dissipated as my legs bend so I sit on the edge of the rail-less bridge. My sneakers nearly graze the waters of the small connecting stream, they dangle and rock back and forth slowly. Thinking of Skye and the waters somehow captivated my mind like some crazy method of therapy that instantly calmed me down.

I look out onto the river, it makes me want to swim. It looks as beautiful as a painting: black skies with small specks of gleaming stars, moonlight prevents darkness from dominating the beauty of the night, and the dark blue waves rush quickly like a toddler running from the monster under the bed.

My stomach churns gently as I feel empty, the cool breeze from off the river chills my shoulders. I feel empty, regretful, almost upset. It suddenly becomes clear to me as my eyes make my vision unclear with tears threatening to well up.

I wish this river was the colour of Skye's blue eyes or maybe I wish she was next to me at this exact moment so we could cherish this together. I wish her absence could be filled by the beautiful blue of the skies that resemble her eyes which remind me of her at every point off the bright and sunny day.

I get back up and my legs sway gently as I stand on my own two feet. Why did I sit down? I need to see her and I'm wasting time. I'm losing seconds, I could be there with her right now, but I'm not.

I walk back through the dark path, trees still sway gently at the pressure of the wind. My heart beats and I can feel every pulse with every single step I take. I round the bend slowly and see the pavilion. I quicken my pace and jog up to the pavilion, my heart now pounds in my ears. I look around as I stand next to the pavilion and look upon the shore. My stomach drops and I can feel my heart physically tense along with every part in my body.

"Skye?" I yell out. I don't see her. My vision blurs intensely and tears threaten to spill. I quickly bring my hands to my eyes, my fingertips feeling the warm water slowly spilling from my eyes. My cold palms feel my fiery hot face and my heart accelerates. It's the only thing I can hear as I aggressively shake my head. I wipe my hands harshly against my face as I drag them down my face, pressing though sliding easily with the tears on my fingertips.

"No, no, no," I whisper quietly. My feet drop heavily with every step I take towards the empty pavilion, picnic table and chest being the only things. Except I see something different from before. I walk up to the picnic table and wipe my eyes on my sleeve once more and the object comes into the focus.

My hand gently fondles the cool glass of the spout of Skye's old bottle of vodka as it sits by itself in the middle of the picnic table, where it wasn't when I was here last. My other hand slowly rubs the side of the bottle as it cools my fingertips and I pause.

I remove the cap and tilt the bottle up to the sky. The liquid burns my throat like I've never felt before. It burns with every small gulp let out of the bottle's funnel and my heart pounds loudly, almost in time with the gulps.

The bottle empties its contents down my esophagus as I feel the burn of each mouthful coming and going at an intense pace. I bring the bottle back down from my lips and reseal the cap as anger wells up again.

The eerie sound of glass smashing rings in my ears next to my pounding heart as I rapidly smash the bottle on the pavilion deck, the cool touch of the glass now absent from my fingertips. I step on the glass as it crunches beneath my feet, I open the chest and pull out my paper and pen.

The glass crunches as I drop my weight onto the bench and slam the paper and the pen onto the table. I slam my hand on the table next to the two objects and my head dips forwards. Salty warm tears pour down my cheeks and I don't care anymore. Why did I even care in the first place?

I pick my head up and grab the pen. I straighten the paper and my hand moves furiously at the pace of my thoughts. Twenty minutes pass and I rapidly tear my pen across the page swooping ups and downs as I sign the paper before slamming the pen on top of the paper. I need something heavy -- to weigh the paper down. I turn around and reach for the ground. I wince quietly as the sharp glass slices my left palm as I drop the shards on the paper. I stand up and grab a bigger piece of glass -- the funnel of the bottle -- and smash it against the ground again.

My heart hurts as my eyes land on all the places Skye and I spent all of our time together. I turn my head to the dark path and walk away. I somehow know I'll never come back to this pavilion again.