Red Velvet 6th Member

Are You Sure?

Vivian's POV

I'm scared. Very scared. People I know are going through so much and I feel like the industry is falling apart.

In less then 2 years, we lost 3 amazing people to suicide (R.I.P Jonghyun, Sulli, and Hara), Twice are under police protection because of an idiot who is delusional as shit, and Mnet is falling apart and I'm kinda happy about it.

Scandals are happening left and right, yes there is some little like BTS doing stuff, but that's irrelevant.

Everyday I ask myself if this is all worth it. And when I get to my answer, I ask myself... Are you sure? Then I chicken out. I'd rather suffer and make others happy than to be happy myself.

My cancer treatment was a success. I had chemotherapy for about 3 months and I had surgery to remove the final part that couldn't be removed with chemo about a month ago. With my family by my side. Sadly, my fiancé was on tour with SuperM and couldn't be there.

I wonder if I can live a semi normal life now. Should I go back to Red Velvet? Or should I stay out of the spotlight forever? Or maybe just for a little bit?

I was snapped out of my thoughts by my phone ringing.

"Hello? I answered.

"Viv? Are you okay? How's your treatment? Are you staying warm? Are you eating? Are you safe? Ar--"

"Jongin, I'm fine."

"How are you doing?"

"I said I'm fine." I scratched the back of my head and felt my slowly growing hair. I now have a little pixie cut, but I'm wearing wigs in public. I'm growing it out anyway.

"Are you okay? You sound a little sad."

"I miss you."

"I know, but we have 2 more shows in Miyagi and I'll be back for Christmas. By the way, does SM know you're thinking about taking part in SBS Gayo Daejeon?"

"No. He probably won't let me."

"Are you sure? Or are you just saying that because you're scared to tell him?"

"With my condition I won't be able to. Plus everyone hates me now."

"You never know."

"I gotta go, I'm getting tired."

"Ok, good night, my little warrior."

That brought a smile to my face. My little warrior.

"Good night."

My little warrior.

It was a fitting name, I guess. I was little compared to him, and I guess I'm a warrior for everything I'm going through and I have been through.

I got up and ran to the bathroom feeling an urge to vomit.

As soon as I reached the bathroom, I vomited into the toilet.

Do I have the flu? Is this normal? Is this related to my treatment? Or even worse... am I pregnant?