Betrayal found Love

Chapter 2

  The rain hailed down from the dark swirling night sky above.  Each drop heavier than the last hitting the windshield of the ol' pickup. Stepping out into the stormy night sky I find the little piece of peace that I always long for. The Sweet smell of the earth rising into the air the longer it pours down onto the human riddled world. This was the last place I had expected myself to have gone. Without even thinking I had drove the 30 minutes silently lost in my head. But I hadn't even been thinking about her. Yet some how I stood at the foot of her grave now. Everything in me began to ache uncontrollably, and no longer could I hold my self up I fell to my knees in front of her grave.

"Why? Why did this have to happen now of all time?" I thought to myself.

She always said that everything happens for a reason good or bad in this world. But I don't know how to feel about that. This wasn't just some other bad thing this was a major impact in my life. Of course we all have to pass on that is fate, but how am I suppose to just accept that my dear mama was gone forever. That I'd never get to hug her or hear her voice again. It's not something I can just accept and carry on with my life. This broke my spirit in more ways than I care to think about. Graduation is soon and all I think about is how she won't be there to see me get my diploma.

The person I cared about more than life it's self was gone forever and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. All's I had now was the memory of her and her belongings. I didn't want the belongings I just wanted her back.

The rain kept on pouring down but I couldn't move. No will or energy to do so was left within me. My body couldn't I was stuck no strength left in me to get up and leave. "Why couldn't I have gone with you?" I whispered aloud to myself.

She would have frowned at me for saying something like that. Telling me not to talk that way her eyebrows turned up unamused by my words. Growing up I had nightmares of the people I cared for dying. It was an awful feeling that lingered and made you hurt even once you realized that it was infact just a nightmare. The fact alone that you witnessed it for yourself feeling that it was reality only to be jerked out of it. For the rest of the day after it was all that was on my mind and the feelings I felt in the nightmares were still there. Every single minute the feeling lingering on thinking about the fact that one day it wouldn't be a dream.

Silently I cried sitting there I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Everything just hurt so much. She's never coming back and I'm all alone stuck in this hell with out the one person I needed most. The one person who understood and loved me.

"I'll love you forever mama no matter what your memory will live on with me. Soon I'll get out of here just like we had planned on." I whispered aloud to her.

It had been pouring for awhile now but I still didn't get up. Drenched in wet clothing once again I was numb. Completely and utterly numb inside and out. Nothing could bother me in this exact moment everything in me had completely shut down. I looked up into the sky as it rained down. The clouds blocked the moon, but the stars still shinned bright where you could see the dark vastness of space in the sky. Finally I had found the will to get up off of the ground.

Shakily I stood up still looking at her tombstone. "I love you mama." I said proudly aloud.

Everything in me wanted to just stay right there forever. I knew she wouldn't have wanted me like this though. Closing my eyes I turned around and took a few steps so I couldn't stop myself from leaving. But the closer I got to my truck the hard it was to control the tears again. My legs wanted to run back and continue sitting there as the world moved on without me.