changes (lauren cimorelli)

sleepovers

I moved my head away and looked off to the side, yes I was being childish but can you blame me. I haven't been alone with my girlfriend in 7 months.

She sighed and ran her hands over my arms. "Babe." Her voice was light and I looked over at her but looked away quickly after. She grabbed my face with both hands and made me look at her.

"Babe. I promise you'll have me all to yourself after family time tomorrow. I know you want me by myself now but please understand" she whispered.

My eyes flickered down and I just nodded. She pulled me in for a kiss and I gave a light one. She knew I was upset even if I shouldn't have been. She got off of me and sat next to me.

I stood up and smiled lightly "I should probably be going home now."

Lauren shook her head "you're staying here tonight" she played with the strings in my basketball shorts.

"You have all your friends over, I'm just going to go home." I grabbed her hand and held it lightly as I played with her rings. "Just say here. Please. Stay in my old room and I'll be up in a bit."

I rocked on the heels of my feet and looked at my Apple Watch. It was already 12:28 and I didn't want to drive home honestly.

"Fine. But promise you'll be up soon."

"I promise baby. Now go okay." I bent down and kissed her lips a few times before grabbing hers and i's trash and throwing it away. I forgot my phone and keys on the couch so I went back and Lauren handed me them.

I gave her a quick smile and a longer kiss than before. She smiled in it before pulling me closer.

I pulled away and she pushed me to go upstairs. I gave Dani a small hug and said my goodnight's to some of the girls. Just giving the boys a light smile. I ran up the stairs and into Lauren's old room, turned guest/our room when we stayed here.

I turned on the lamp on the nightstand and plugged in my phone. I sat on the edge of the bed and took off my shoes, placing them by the dresser.

I looked at myself in the big mirror and threw my hair up in a bun. Taking off the shirt and throwing it in a hamper in the closest.

Pulling the covers down and putting my long legs underneath them was relaxing. I missed being comfortable 24/7 and honestly I'm only ever fully comfortable around Lauren.  I grabbed my phone and slowly scrolled through Instagram, the group downstairs laughing.

Seeing the fanpages about me is crazy even now, after being nothing turning from nothing to someone people looked up to. It's been about an hour. Lauren wasn't coming up soon and I knew it. I didn't want to sit and wait around for a girl who had better things to do.

I slipped my shoes back on and put my phone back in my pocket. The keys on the dresser now transferred to my hand. I wasn't stupid that she wouldn't come to might as well stay somewhere without bothering people.

I closed the door quietly and lightly cane down the stairs. They all were watching a movie and I made it to the door without anyone noticing. I opened the front door with only a little noise, but you couldn't hear it enough from the volume of the movie.

Amber looked over at me and her eyes widened as she saw me leaving. I put my finger up to my lips to shush her. She looked around and quickly nodded her head, throwing popcorn at her friends to distract them.

I quickly slipped out and walked to my car, turning off my lights so they wouldn't see them on the window. You may ask why I didn't want anyone to know, and in all honestly.

I didn't want to stay where it doesn't matter you know. I was just taking a bed which some friends could have instead of me. I sighed and rested my head on the steering wheel, I don't like I'm feel apart of Lauren's life.

I smashed my hands against the wheel and cussed under my breath. "Fuck" I kept hitting it until I got dangerously close to the horn.

I turned the car on and threw in it reverse, leaving the family's home.

I turned the lights on once i was on the street facing away from the house. I sped off down the road that I've driven and spent most of my young adult life so far on.

I grabbed my phone and called someone, they picked up after 3 rings. "Hey. Can I come over?"

"Of course Ash, you know the address." They didn't even question my antics. I came to they a lot recently, after not talking for 2 years.

I drove in complete silence, no radio, no wind, nothing. I don't know why it affected me tonight but it did.

I pulled into the rich apartment complex's on the nice side of town. Parking next to grey Range Rover I've been in, a few times, no more than 5 times.

Turning my truck off, my mind felt almost numb. I got out a closed the door, only grabbing my keys and phone obviously.

I pressed the buzzer and the doorman knew me and let me in. I lightly gave him a fake smile and went up the elevator, putting in the 12 floor, the top.

The elevator dings, I didn't even noticed I was at the floor already. I quickly got out and walked for to door 516. I pressed the buzzer and without them asking, they let me in.

"Long tine no see Ash." They were sitting on the couch and sat next to them, hitting their shoulder. "I was here last week Troye"

I laughed and he rolled his eyes, his boyfriend was asleep in the bedroom, I could tell. I sighed in put my head in my hands.

"Lauren?" Troye asked as he sat forward, I said yes.

I didn't know why put I felt like I wasn't a priority anymore, just a time waster. Troye put his hand on my shoulder. And with that a single tear fell.

"Wow. I didn't know I could do that anymore." I wiped the tear from my cheek.

Looking down at my hand a smile came across my face, weirdly. I never let tears fall on my face, not since high school.

He grabbed my hand and looked at the scabs and sighed. Seeing my hands being destroyed overtime and anger.

He puts his other hand over mine and patted it. "Ash. Maybe it's not it anymore."

I shook my head, another tear fell. I wasn't giving up on that girl. She was my idea of perfect and letting her go wasn't an option.

"No Troye. It's her. It's always been her." My hands turned almost cold, ice. "Maybe that's why it isn't her. It's always been her." He sighed.

His expensive pants were only the beginning in changes of us from high school. Troye is now a designer, making easily a few million in sales a year. Me, a producer and not shamelessly behind in money. Not millions, but million.

My head started pounding at the idea of how I never knew my future without Lauren. Troye and I sat there and talked, about Lauren, and life. Living. For what seemed hours, but maybe 50 minutes.

I knew I should get going to let him get to his boyfriend, I gave him a hug and slowly left his apartment.

Getting out to the truck was easy, going hone was the hard part. I blinked a few times before playing my music, I don't know why I was in such a funk but I couldn't shake it.

"Looking over West Virginia, smoking Spirts on the roof. She asked 'ain't anybody told ya that them things are bad for you'" Tyler Childers voice shook through my speakers. It was night.