Crossroads to Life

New Issues, Same Sin

So one day an Uncle decided to take me for a ride to check on his truck. He happened to be in ministry.  I remember thinking,  here's my chance, I need to get this off my chest.  So I take a deep breath and like a catholic, I get ready to confess my sins to the priest. I tell him about the experience and feeling guilty and I feel a great weight leave my body. But in the same moment,  there is an even heavier weight on it as the weight of his stare starts to worry me. He begins to tell me how developed my body is and how he can see why guys would like it and then he grabs my thigh and squeezes.

At first I'm thinking,  okay its just a playful touch.  For crying out loud, its my Uncle.  He's married and a preacher. No way, he is just being playful. So I brush it off and I stop talking.  My gut was saying there is more to this and I did not want to find out what it was. I had revealed too much already though.  The deed was done. I had opened a can of worms.

So the basketball coach was supposed to be my ride to practice but this particular day, she wasn't answering her phone. As a matter of fact, no one was answering the phone.  I couldn't get in touch with my mom or dad, my brother's had an away game in Atlantic City.  So I was alone. I was devastated.  It was a few days after my virginity fiasco and Eddie asked me to catch the bus to Bridgeton.  I had never caught a city bus in my life. I knew nothing about it. He said to catch the 553 to Bridgeton and get off at Moo Moos. At first I tried to talk my friend into going with me, but she stood me up. So im sitting at the bus stop and everything in my body was saying bad idea, but my rebellious spirit said no one cared that you were home alone with no way to practice and no supervision,  so I stayed there, waiting for the 553. I sat there for seemed like forever.  I saw every other bus, but not 553. When I had decided to turn back, here it comes, driving up to me. This was it. I boarded the bus and sat. And I road to Bridgeton.  When I got to Moo Moos I used the payphone to call Eddie and he met me at the store and we went back to his grandma's house. While we were there, his friend Keion stopped by. Keion was cool. We basically chilled and listened to music. I guess he wanted to show me off to his friend because he had me answering questions he obviously knew like "are you bleeding still" "why are you bleeding". Things of that nature. I let him have his five seconds of fame. 

I noticed it was getting late but by now, I was worried about what would happen when I got home. I was scared because I had never done anything like this.  So I had made up my mind, I'm not going back tonight.  So the time grew late. Next thing we know, the police come knocking on the door.  They asked for me and my heart sank. Now what was I going to do. I knew my parents wouldn't try to understand my position.  The police drove me to the station and my parents met us there. My friend had snitched on me. When I got home, my parents took turns beating me with the belt. I remember feeling confused and lost. I told them how I had tried calling them. Their excuse, they were at the boys games in Atlantic City and didn't have service.  That really got my blood boiling. While I was home in need of a ride, they were playing the role of supportive parents to my brother's. 

When they finished with me, I had welps all over my body.  I wore a turtleneck and long pants to hide them.  I was put on punishment.  I snuck on the phone to call Eddie and was devastated when he told me in uncertain terms that I was too much of a problem and we could no longer date. I was devastated.  He was supposed to be my forever. He was my first. He was supposed to marry me, he told me he loved me.

I just needed to get over him. So I decided to try the whole school boys thing. A boy named Albert started to show interest in me. So we started passing notes to one another.  He became my new boyfriend. One day I went to the mall. I had on a cute dress and some cute shoes. I ran into Eddie in the mall. I tried to avoid him but he made it his business to come up to me as another guy I had known from Gouldtown was trying to talk to me. He told the boy, he couldn't talk to me because I was his girl. He took me into Value City and he snuck me into the boy's bathroom. He pushed me into a stall and hiked me up on the bar and started kissing me in the way he used to. Then he said I'm your first, you never get over me. That day I let that seep into my mind and as ashamed as I am of it, I let him have sex with me in the handicap stall that day. I remember thinking we were going to be okay.  He still wanted me. I was going to have my happily ever after. But then girls started telling me about the numerous girls he had in Bridgeton and I just new I had to let go of the dream and move on. I broke up with Albert and stayed single for awhile.