Ink POV
I couldn't sleep. I felt so empty and upset. Gradient is clearly in denial and Pj is just pissed off.
I covered my mouth as tears continued to run down my cheeks and sobs continued to let themselves out.
I was shaking and my 'stomach' and 'throat' felt tight.
Gradient walked into my room. I did my best to calm down and dried my tears.
"Mama... d-did daddy kill himself because of me?" He asked.
"What!? N-no! No baby he didn't." I told him.
He started crying to. I could see all of the pain this was causing him. Stars I can't imagine how he must feel. Probably like I do. Maybe a little less.
He hugged me.
"Then why...?" He asked, his voice cracking as he cried into my shirt.
"He was going through a lot. His mental health wasn't good and, no matter how hard we'd try it still would t have helped." I answered.
"D-didn't he love us!?" He cried.
I held my son tightly.
"Of course he did sweetheart. He loved us more than anything else."
I could feel tears falling from my eyes. I can't hold it in anymore. I just let out a painful scream.
I felt so lost. I'm supposed to be there for my kids not make it worse.
I'm terrible.
Pj walked in to and hugged both of us. Both of them slept in my room that night. Pj hugging Gradient. They're like best friends.
I sighed, put a blanket over them, and went to make some coffee.
How am I gonna do this?
I have to help them to heal but, I don't even know how to take care of myself.
I felt weak crying and hurting. I should be strong and taking care of them.
I really am the worst fucking parent aren't I? I was still shaking and I don't know how to make myself stop. I kept crying to. I could barely see as I sipped my coffee in the darkness of the kitchen.
