flower. h.s ✔️

thirty six.

Was it weird to be standing with your face pressed against a glass door staring out into the car park of a shopping centre?

Yes, it definitely was and I was also definitely doing that.

Deep down, inside, I knew that the car probably wasn't Harry's and I knew that he wasn't going to get out of it. Probably.

But that didn't mean that I wasn't desperately hoping that it was him. And I honestly didn't think there was anything I wanted more than for Harry to be here with me, shopping.

Except maybe Harry disappearing off the face of the earth because sometimes he was a real dickhead.

I shook my head and held my ground, watching until the occupant of the car got out and I felt my chest deflate as I looked through the glass at an old grey haired man and I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity.

I glanced down at the shopping list in the notes app on my phone, so far my shopping only consisted of Ollie's Christmas presents and two new dresses for myself. Both of which were admittedly quite summery and I didn't really know why I'd bought them.

Maybe I was trying to cheer myself up.

I chewed my lip as I walked, glancing around every so often to avoid the other shoppers and mainly bunches of teenagers. I was pretty proud of myself for actually doing some of my gift shopping.

It was the second of November and I was on fire. Maybe I should get my friends to be mean to me more often, clearly it gets something inside me going.

But it wasn't like I'd forgotten Halloween. I mean how could I? I never realised I could be so happy, and I definitely hadn't realised a man could make me so happy. But I definitely knew that a man could make me miserable.

I just thought it wouldn't be Harry anymore.

I could count the amount of people I've kissed on one hand and I can use two fingers to count the amount of people I've enjoyed kissing. One of them was definitely Harry and the best kisser out of them all was Harry.

He just made me so fucking happy and so fucking sad.

I was glad Ollie had passed out the minute he'd taken his jeans off and hit my bed because I could not control myself. It had been like I was a fourteen year old again, sobbing and practically having a fucking break down in the bathroom.

What a loser.

I just didn't understand why Harry had ended the night like that?

What had I done wrong in the space of being at Liam's party and then being in Harry's car? It wasn't like he knew.

If by some freak coincidence Harry knew that the healing scabs on my thigh were the product of my own poor self control and emotional unstableness then yeah I guess I'd been in the wrong by lying to him.

But it wasn't even his problem! I think that was the thing that annoyed me the most, Harry had no reason, no right to get angry at me about something that had nothing to do with him.

If I wanted to lie about my teenage habit of self harming making a come back like nineties scrunchies then it was my business.

"Poppy?"

I was jerked out my thoughts by a voice calling my name and I glanced over my shoulder to spot Eleanor making her way towards me with a girl I didn't know and I returned her easy smile somewhat smaller.

"Hi Eleanor." I greeted pleasantly, giving her a light squeeze back before she removed her arms from around me.

"I didn't know you'd be here! We could have come shopping together, what've you got there?" Eleanor asked and I gave her an awkward laugh.