Solitary Love

1- Trust

Everything I was feeling must have been fairly obvious due to the various people jumping out of my path as I stride to the glass doors of the restaurant and onto the street. Regret, anger, disappointment. Emotions which I could've predicted I'd feel the moment I agreed to the family outing.

I could never understand how you could be so cruel, so inconsiderate to your own family if they had never done anything wrong to you.

Why the fuck would my own parents decide to have me if they weren't going to take the responsibility that comes with it?

I was just for show, just for when they needed me. They didn't care about me and they let me know that. How could they hurt me so easily? How could I let them?

Burning sensations travel down my throat as I try and take a deep breath. The harder I try, the weaker I begin to feel.

Slowly the click of my heels comes to a stop and I step out of the way to let a bunch of loud, drunk teens in front of me through on the path. Leaning against the nearest wall on my right I try and take another deep breath to stop my erratic heartbeat. All calming techniques I have learnt go blank in my mind as my head begins to get dizzy and a ringing bursts through my ears.

Tears of panic fill my eyes while I slide to a sitting position with my knees to my chest.

I hate it when this happens.

Silently I begin to cry even harder unsure about which of my many problems I'm the most upset about. My family? My job? Being so fucking depressed and lonely? My fake friends? Or maybe it's the fact I'm having my seventh panic attack today? Who knows?

Stumbling to my feet, I hold the wall till my vision clears and my head stops spinning. Continuing the journey to my flat, I swallow thickly and pull out my compact mirror from my leather jacket to check out my face in disgust while also turning the mirror just behind me to confirm my suspicions.

The black limo following behind me, it's one of my father's drivers making sure I make it straight home.

Pushing my black hair behind my ears, I shove my mirror back in my pocket and begin angrily speed walking, taking even bigger deep breaths still trying to calm my heart which is now racing for an entirely different reason.

Fear.

Father's not following me to make sure I make it home safe, he's having me followed to make sure I don't end up acting on my emotions. Making sure I don't tell one of his many secrets to one of the wrong people.

Nobody can be trusted and I think that's one of the only things we'll ever agree on. I don't even trust myself.

Hey, um. Ew...Thoughts?