Tokens

Letters to Self

Dear Future Judy,

I hope you are in good health of mind and body. It may seem childish to write to one's future self when you do not even know what tomorrow has in store for you. Nevertheless, I take that you have swum through the wild waves and passed tumultuous thunderstorms with an unbreakable spirit which I believe you still possess.

Remember the metaphor you created while riding trains everyday to school?

Life is like a journey by train. Several stops will come and go and one by one strange people will suddenly appear and disappear, with intentions initially unknown. Some will stay for a while and some may stay till the end, sharing vivid memories, from bright summers to dull winters. At certain clearly memorable stations, your own will abandon you or be taken away from you, such that they mix with the crowd and be gone forever. However, that is not the end of the journey, since you have not reached your destination yet.

How is family doing? Do mother and father still fight? Does she continue to vent out her anger on you or do you have an upper hand now?

Say, how is Kartik doing? Is his wish fulfilled?

One fateful afternoon, when I ended up in the hospital due to some silly food poisoning, I decided to take a stroll out of boredom in the hallway with my IV drip accompanying. I was never of extrovert nature; the definite introvert, a loner. However, when mother did not visit that day, something tugged at my heartstrings. My curiosity grew at the private ward. I peeked in the chambers. Mostly aged people were there. Then, unexpectedly, in one of them, I found a sickened pale boy laying on his bed with no particular emotion on his face.  I did not even realise that I was staring so hard until he looked back at me. I jerked back at the suddenness of the situation. At that very moment, however, I saw something in his eyes: loneliness and craving for affection. I took a step forward, entering inside. Since I had nothing better to do, I thought it worthwhile to spend some time with him, especially when he is around the same age as me.

Our conversation was lively, ranging from a wide number of topics. I came to know the both of us shared common interests and that deepened our bond. A friendship was born that day. Soon I was discharged from the hospital but that did not stop me from visiting. First, it was on weekends and then it became a part of my routine. I was a regular to the hospital and everyone along the way knew me. During our visits, I noticed he hardly had any visitor, which drew me closer to him. I wanted to love him, tell him I was there for him, maybe out of sympathy, but I knew he would hate me for this.

Time changes. Days fly by. It is not always sunshine and monsoon dropped by. Doctors reported his condition was getting worse. I had noticed too.  I stayed by his side, praying for his recovery.

It was Autumn. His condition stabled a bit. He called me close and expressed his wish of finally being out of this hell and go all around the world, from plains to plateaus, from seas to mountains. He teased me by asking if I would go with him. Among all our talks, it might be the deepest one he ever shared with me. It was very touching to me, but I decided to play around with him. Before leaving, I simply gave a heads up to be prepared for the following visit. He was left speechless while pondering over what mischief I had in my mind.

The next day, I took something which I had never before taken into his chamber or anywhere in particular--- a wheelchair. He was shocked and surprised beyond expression. I told him of my plan and assured him of the doctor's permission. A nurse and I helped him into the chair, and then we went for our little trip!

The Sun shone bright, the birds chirped, there was a pleasant harmony outside. We roamed about the nearby park, raced with some kids on cycle, did every kind of fun thing we could do. He watched as I played on sand, smiling at my childishness. We cleansed ourselves at the water fountain and decided to have lunch. Afterwards we went to the flower garden where I made him a garland, while he, being the gentleman he is, handed me a rose. We laughed.

At the end of our trip, it was time to go back. He said that it was his first time going out after he had been admitted, and that he would like to go out with me again. He said that he wanted to get better soon.

I returned home but I was too lost in our trip. Throughout, his face shone as bright as the Sun. I never thought a day can be so wonderful. I wondered how ambiguous world can be. Some are taking away their lives, some are taking someone's life and some are fighting for life every single day.

Have you fulfilled your dreams yet?

No matter what happens, what is going to happen, what will happen, I believe in you. I am you and you are me, this equation can never change. We will always be a part of each other. I am trying my hardest best to secure you and rely on you to take it further from there. Do not forget to treat yourself once in a while. I will always love you.

Yours lovingly,
Your younger self.