𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑳𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝑩𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉

Chapter 18

♡AN: In case anyone is confused this chapter is from Harry's point of view and for this whole story it's going to be on and off POVs between the two boys.  This whole story is set after the war. Some chapters contain minor mature content references including abuse and sexual acts/rape and strong language. I'll give you a  '💢' if there are scenes of abuse, '♨️' if there are any Unwanted sexual assault (rape), and an ' ⭕️' for Self-harm. In this chapter, there is only triggering content so please read at your own risk Enjoy!!♡

-Trigger warning up ahead, please read at your own risk-

The thundering sound of clapping filled the great hall and echoed off the wall. I stepped down and walked back to the table whilst looking down.

It was now the last day of the Hogwarts year for the next generation and all the previous 7th and 6th years were asked to come. As I was, 'The boy who lived', I was asked to make a speech about the war, which I had just completed.

"Hey mate, you alright?" Someone asked from beside me.

I didn't really look up to see who had spoken and didn't even bother answering because, no, I was in fact not alright.

It's been 4 months.

4 months of feeling absolutely pathetic.

I know that I really should try harder to apologize to Draco, to get him to understand but there really isn't anything to understand. I let Ginny kiss me and this is where it led to.

I still don't even know why I'm trying to fake my feelings when deep down, I know I'm a bad actor. Everyday I tell myself that I'm moving forward. That it's ok with me.

But it's hard.

It's hard when I'm always being fake. I've slowly bundled all my emotions inside until I ache. I just can't take it anymore, going around like I'm all ok. And maybe that's why Hermione and Ron have gone away.

But hey, it's not that they've actually gone away. It's more of the fact that I feel left out. Like they're hanging out without me, but I know they're not and they're secretly worried. After all the visits and owls they sent me. I don't even have it in me to feel bad about making them worrisome.

Nowadays I just feel numb.

Yeah, that's it.

Numb.

Being deprived of feeling, responsive, and the power of sensation.

If only I had taken his hand when I found him in the bathroom in 6th year instead of revoking him. Maybe we would've been friends and maybe we would've fell in love. But I didn't take his hand, and we weren't friends, and we didn't fall In love.

Or maybe we did.

I did.

I fell hard.

And now, at the time where I desperately need to get back up, I can't. Because, how can I when I constantly feel like I'm drowning.

"I'm going for a walk." I mumbled, getting up and heading towards the corridors.

I ran my hands through the corridor walls as I walked, making sure to avoid the people who were talking and mingling in the hallways.